WB, Naw I don't think my H was sadistic and I don't believe it of your wife. What I was suggesting was that this is SO hard for them to overcome (what behavioral change isn't right!) that nothing less than a good supply of conflict will propel them to take you seriously.
That is, if she hears you talking about how you need sex, but then you put up with sexless weeks and "teasing" behavior on her part, then how bad can you really want it?
My H simply would not and could not believe what I said until I kept on saying it, over and over and indicating to him how important it was to me. And, like I said, me saying it once in a while did not do the trick. Now that I've said it frequently for several years, he seems to be coming around. He will still sometimes say, Man you really must NEED this huh?!? as if he just can't believe that what I am telling him is true.
So I don't believe that he was being sadistic, he just cannot comprehend the driving force in my body and mind that calls out for sex. He must experience it in a completely different way, I suppose. This allows him to forget about it or justify his behavior in ignoring me and my attempts. At that point, I HAVE to confront him...I can do it gently or non-gently but I have learned that saying nothing and hoping for the best does not work for us.
