Quote: I need x,y,z in my life in order to be happy. In the context of our marriage it means q,r,s. I very much want to work with you to arrive at that place. If you are unwilling to do so, so be it, I don't want to force you. If this is the case, however, then I will go as long as I can in honoring our marriage vows, but I cannot say how long that might be.
The tricky thing about this IMO is that you can't fake it. You really have to decide that having a sex life is more important than staying in your marriage (literally as in my case or emotionally as in HP's case). When you get to that point you will have changed because you will no longer be someone who is wishy-washy about what they want or wimpy about achieving it. Your sex drive is not the thing you need to change, that would be an impossible task for most HD folk. It's not necessarily a one-step process. I've gone a long way down that road, but I know I still have a quite a way to go. Your spouse will never understand how important your sexual needs are until you are able to seriously express their importance.
The other thing that changes is your viewpoint on you marriage. As I experience success, my marriage is becoming more rewarding yet less necessary to my overall happiness. If my H were to leave me because he decided the freedom to lead a LD life was more important than our marriage, I would think that was a shame but it wouldn't be a tragedy.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
