I don't want to kick a 'dog' when he is down, but I think what a lot of people have tried to tell you, is that you have to change your FOCUS.
I realize that is counter-intuitive, but it is what changed my marriage and others here.
In order to 'fix' your relationship, there are a number of tools you will need. The first part of any repair is to round up your tools, make sure they are in good working order, organize them, then proceed with the repair.
What you can't do, is just open the hood for a cursory look, while having no idea what you are looking for, and no tools to fix it if you actually happened upon the issue.
Many of us have tried to point cemar in the right direction. While I have given up on helping him at this time, I do believe that he will figure it out at some point in time.
You, on the other hand, are smarter than that. No offense intended toward cemar, that is just the way it is.
I think you have an idea that a bigger picture exists than the one you like to look at. That bigger picture contains all the clues you need to effect repair of your relationship. I am willing to help, as are others. You have to be willing to step outside of your comfort zone and learn to do some work that you haven't done before.
I am not picking on you. I am sure that posters here probably see chinks in my armor as well, I just happen to be a bit further along in the process.
I don't want to embarrass you either. When any of us participate on this forum, we are throwing our ugly selves out here for others to have a look at. That is a gutsy thing to do (and that certainly DOES include you, cemar).
You have taken the first and usually the hardest step by being here.
When are you going to take the next one?
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
