Quote: Q: If all expectation of any form had been absent, what kind of day would it have been?
A: As I told my son, it would have just been a kinda crappy day.
Is 'crappy' not another form of expectation? Meaning, who decided it was crappy? What did you expect to happen to make it good that did not happen that made it crappy?
Quote: But sometimes it seems that no matter what I say or do, it's not going that direction. Do you happen to think that I enjoy this state of affairs? If so, why?
No, I most definitely do not think you enjoy this. It seems to me you suffer greatly. The reason I asked you, "do you think your situation does not change because you don't want it to?" is because your efforts show that you would rather have your actions influence the actions and attitudes of others (have sex with me, be happy for me), i.e., have others change to suit YOUR perception, rather than do what is most difficult, and change yourself. Not changing to get others to do what you want or need, but allowing others to be as they are, and you simply be who you are.
If sex is so necessary to you, go out and get it. Yet you hesitate to do so, because you do not like what that image of doing just that means to you. So, if you can get your wife to change, and your kids to be happy, you no longer have to examine the inner world of hairdog.
In other words, what happens 'out there' influences what goes on 'in here.' By living as such, you are at the mercy of events over which you have no control.
Expectations are projected perceptions, and they are your perceptions alone. Others have their own perceptions. Power struggles ensue when there is issue over who's perception is correct. And really, you are fighting in a domain that does not exist, over something which you have no control. No one does.
I am suggesting that your life does not change simply because you don't want to take charge of it. You do not want to define Who You Are, you are unwilling to proclaim What You Want, and then you get angry because others are not doing it for you.
Now, before you get angry at me, just think about it for awhile. See what is below the anger, and why when I say this, does it cause you to be angry? What does anger mask? Fear. What self-perception is causing the fear?
Who has the power to change the perception? And when the perception is changed, then what?
I propose that these are questions you cannot answer because you are too busy figuring out how to get your wife to change so you don't have to. I most certainly can be wrong.
Every day is special, Hairdog. Every single day, and it's the only one you've got. It isn't up to someone else to make it that way, it is up to you, because it's your day, not anyone elses.
