Hairdog, this is so chillingly like my wife's response to our many, heavy conversations about this subject over the years, it's scary.
-- She's always "beat," and likes to announce it out loud to the family (or even out into the ether if there's no one around);
-- If I question any of it, she then says "she feels like she can't ever disagree with me," or she "has to walk on eggshells around me";
-- If I say I am tired of spending quality time with her (her primary LL) or giving her words of affirmation (her other LL), because I am getting none of mine (physical touch), she responds that "I can't ML to you -- or even be affectionate -- unless we've already worked on these other issues." It's a vicious catch-22!
-- It's made abundantly clear that I am going to have to be the one to make changes, and then sustain them for quite awhile -- "months or years" -- before she can feel comfortable giving me even AFFECTION like kissing, much less any semblance of a sex life;
-- She NEVER asks me what I want for my birthday, Christmas, or Father's Day. She will instead drag our kids to the mall with her, and they will buy me what THEY wish I would have (read, "wear"), so that I'd be more "cool" and "fashionable." Don't they know I'd be THRILLED to just have a g$dd$amned Best Buy gift card??
-- vent, vent, vent
I feel for ya, big guy. To do that on your birthday -- no matter WHAT issues you two may be having -- was a VIOLATION, as far as I'm concerned. Cheap shot, violation. There was nothing there that couldn't have waited until the next day for you to discuss.
