I wanted to ask if the criticizing is something that has always been there with your H or if it started when his sexual problems began.
The criticizing started from the very beginning. It started out as him kind of teasing me about something, but eventually it got to the point where he would keep at it, even after I told him to stop, that I didn't think it was funny. It would take me getting really mad and leaving his presence to get away from it. Then he would get mad himself saying "geezzzzzzzz I was only kidding" even after years of telling him I didn't take it as kidding. It doesn't happen as much now as it did in years past, but this past weekend for some reason he would start, at which point I would recognise it and put a stop to it before it got out of hand.
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Btw, I think he can but I can't imagine how hard it would be for a man to get past this particular problem. How could he NOT worry about staying hard while he is initiating or performing foreplay?
I can imagine he feels less than a man. This problem started a very long time ago HP. He was an alcoholic for many years during the first half of our marriage (had I only known to what extent when I met him) His favorite thing would be to get drunk and "prove" his manhood only to find the alcohol impeeded him and it would end not so good. Up until 5 months ago he never liked oral and made no bones about it. I believe he only does it now because he feels he has no other choice. His idea of foreplay is to kiss once or twice, then boink..... needless to say our sex life has not really been very good from the start.
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Have you ever flat out told him what you would like to see happen? Such as, "Dear I would like to ideally have some kind of sexual play happening twice per week. What do you think of that?"
No, I have not had that particular discussion with him. See when he came to me after the new year started, it was completely his idea to make things "right" between us. I feel he sensed I had totally given up and was ready to go my own way. We were totally not doing anything together except holiday family events. Christmas a year ago he went to his daughters and my son came to the house with his GF. How is that for living like roommates? He does do a few things with me now, he has made that effort, and I have acknowledged that. I know I have to talk to him. I have put it off because he has this ability to turn things around on me. He intimidates me. And like I said in my beginning post, I am not sure I am ready to fight this the rest of my life. I have had many sleepless nights the past month trying to decide what I want to do. I could probably become one of those that just doesn't do anything and live the rest of my life like this until I crack. I don't think thats fair to me or him. I just haven't come to a decision.
