Annette, I think the website is whacko this morning; I was having trouble too!
I wanted to ask if the criticizing is something that has always been there with your H or if it started when his sexual problems began. That is, maybe he is lashing out at you because of a belief that you are wrong for pushing him to deliver something he can't..?
Btw, I think he can but I can't imagine how hard it would be for a man to get past this particular problem. How could he NOT worry about staying hard while he is initiating or performing foreplay? I am imagining that no amount of horniness could get past that fear; it would be so pervasive. I still say that you two are as good a candidate for sexual therapy as they come.
As far as his efforts....well, look at it this way: Maybe he considers once/month oral to be a sufficient effort. Maybe he does not realize what you are REALLY after. Have you ever flat out told him what you would like to see happen? Such as, "Dear I would like to ideally have some kind of sexual play happening twice per week. What do you think of that?" I am picturing him absolutely freaking out over his inability to satisfy his wife and approx once per month he works up the nerve to face HIS OWN DEMONS and do you orally. It must be awfully humiliating (not to mention frustrating for him) to know that this is all he has to offer. How does he get sexual release? Is he able to mbate still? How frequently does he do this? This might also be a clue in terms of how often he turns to you...if he's taking care of himself frequently, it would be natural that he 'forgets' to make sure that you are taken care of also.
I know I said to another poster (I think it was heapmom) that my husband refused to believe that I wanted sex as much as I was saying that I did, until I proved him wrong with the test of time. It is possible that he thinks that, with you being a woman and all, monthly oral is about right for you.
It is up to you to educate him differently, girlfriend!
