I'm not going to link my other threads at this time, I'm just going to start fresh right here and now.
M 25 H 27 Married 6 years Together 12 years
All I need to say is, its working!! My life is finally coming together and I am seeing thing clearly for the first time in my young adult life. Every day is a light bulb moment and every day I feel that much closer to my goals in having a happy marriage and happy family. I have done so much reading over the past few months and have gotten such good advice here that I am just overwhelmed with thoughts going through my head... so I want to continue journaling here to help sort through all of these emotions.
I can officially say that the piecing together has worked and DH has no interest in leaving the marriage anymore. I took on the task of reading a few of the dr. Laura books(proper care and feeding, and woman power) I know that most either love or hate dr. laura, but all I can say is that I love what she has taught me and I am now on a whole new path in my life. DB'ing and Divorce remedy are what got me to this path, and Dr. Laura books are what have kept me moving on the correct path.
Anyway, My husband looked at me two nights ago and told me how much he appreciated how hard i was trying for us, and that he loved me more then I could imagine... WOW!! I didnt expect that to come out of his mouth, and was so happy to hear it. Now to keep myself on a steady path...
I am dealing with my emotions(which i must say is so important) I'm not as angry as I once was, and I let myself have a good cry if I'm feeling the anger build up inside of me. I am thoughtful of his needs and in doing that he has become thoughtful of mine.
I dont wake up dreading the day, and I no longer wake up wondering what he is doing, or feel the need to check his email or voice messages, which is something i thought would never go away...
OKAY 2 MAJOR Breakthroughs for me...
I stood up to my mother the other day as she was talking about leaving her man for someone else.. blah blah blah, and I told her that she could no longer talk to me about these things that it brought up to much history for me(she left me and my father for another man) She was taken aback, but apologized.. (HUGE STEP FOR ME) I avoided engaging in chaos)
Okay HUGE STEP #2 I was confronted with being put in a situation with another man this past weekend. Some of my past includes the desperate need for attention and the inability to dissapoint people (oh and being completely self absorbed) Anyway I was put in a situation where this man tried to engage in physical closeness with me..... and FOr once in my life.. I stood up for myself and my marriage.. I told him I was OFF LIMITS and removed myself from the situation.. YES FOR ME!!!!!! I know this might sound like (um yeah thats what your supposed to do) But for me this has never been easy...
I have had to realize that I can no longer stay in my self absorbed world.. that I must break free of the negativity that strangles me daily... and I must start thinking of my family and not just me me me... but along with thinking of them I can take care of myself and grow as a person.
If you have gotten this far, I thank you for reading.. I really would like to stick around here and share my thoughts and keep on this path that i am growing to love.
One of the sayings that I have been putting in my head to keep my jealousy at bay.. is this.. From the Dr. Laura radio show ( "No other woman can make me look bad, Only I can make me look bad") HOW VERY TRUE!!!
Anyway i'm sure i'll be back to ramble later... thank you thank you thank you all for your support and advice..
Hugs and much love
Kristy
No longer confused.. and slowly moving past the fear!
