Diving back into the ocean

[Meredith]

Its been a considerably long time since I’ve journaled online…but I’m going to give it a go to make my next point.

For those of you that remember, Thursday and Friday are H’s days with the children. We’re in the middle of a family (his-side) medical crisis right now, so I was unsure if he would be picking them up (from my place of business). I spoke with him about this last night, and he confirmed that he would be here to pick up the children at X time.

Fast-forward to this morning, I have the children here and eating breakfast in the cafeteria, something that has become a ritual for us over the past, gulp, year and a half. So we’re eating, and talking about their day…and I notice that it is 15 minutes after X time and call his cell phone. Am I pissed? Yes…today is a big day for me and I had wanted to get upstairs at a certain time. Since all I seem to do on these Thursday mornings is try to come up with a new plan of action to pick up the children since he was late - AGAIN, I’m going to have to say that he does know timeliness is important to me, as is the respect that it shows.

So, he’s late and I’m hurt/angry/frustrated/stressed. Is this a good situation? Nope. Now, he cannot tell me honestly that he didn’t mean to make me angry. He can’t say that because he knows from prior experience that the action he just took does make me angry. When experience teaches you that something will cause controversy and you choose to make that action – you are also choosing the bad along with the good.

What would have made the situation better was some respect back from him. “I’m terribly sorry Meredith, I know you must feel very disrespected right now. Is there something that I can do now to make things a little easier on you in return for making them difficult this morning?” would have been nice. At the time of such conversation pigs would be soaring by in flocks and snowballs would be flying free in hell and those infamous cows would be opening the door and saying, ‘honey, I’m home!’.

My H is not a wordy person, and so I cannot expect him to atone for a wrong-doing with words. This is not something that is coming easily to me. MY day would go a lot better if I heard those words. It certainly would feel much better than walking out of a cafeteria embarrassed because of my martial situation (parental shift change in the cafeteria is not the norm) and feeling like dirt on his shoe.

Like Pam said, however, at the end of the day I have to like me. It’s icing on the cake if anyone else does. I wouldn’t have liked me if I had screamed at him…deserved or not. Neither would he, and chances are neither would my nosey co-workers. It wasn’t easy to walk out of there this morning. It wasn’t easy not to pull out the points that gd1 made and defend my words. BUT, no one was promised an easy load at the beginning of this DB stuff.

So as I end this post, I’m going to list out what I (I’ll let Pam and Pen speak for themselves) were trying to offer as points to consider.
1. Forgiveness is a gift that you give to yourself. No one needs to ask for the gift for it to be given. In fact, it makes it worth all the more when you offer it unasked and humbly.
2. Affairs are not okay. When the happen they are a result of previous actions on the LBS, WAS and OP.
3. I know exactly how LBSs feel…I am one.
4. Venting is different from venom. We all vent…most do it here. BUT, after your rant and rage session are you open to new opinions, ideas, and paths?
5. If you want respect, you must respect.
6. Turning each stage in this process into a positive learning experience can only make you a better person in the end.
7. Not every marriage can be saved, but every heart and soul can be.




Oh, and to answer Myrrh about the minnows…

They’re swimming well, thank you!

D5 began kindergarten, and loves it. There are days when her adult vocabulary (ugh, mommy, you are such a tyrant) can send me laughing or banging my head into a wall, but she is a very insightful and happy little girl. She’s also available on a lease basis to tell anyone like it is.

S2 will actually become such next weekend. But we had the party already so I’ll go ahead and give him the title. He’s a great little guy, when he’s not tormenting his sister! Myrrh, I envy you in the potty training realm, after the fun of picking out a potty chair at Babies R Us he isn’t at all interested