Gd1, Just a quick note... I'm really confused! Where did I say that thing about people not being able to open their minds or hearts????
I appreciate your perspective, I really do. But, I would have appreciated it more if it had stopped before the assumptions began. That is what makes me weary about this board. I can't say enough that I don't blame the LBSs for their anger. I have felt that same anger. But, I have also found that it does nothing but poison ME, and that I can't live with that. Look, I was once the most jealous, angry, and bitter person out there. I was only hurting myself. All I was trying to do was point out that the whole "forgiveness is a gift you give yourself" thing is dead on.
I don't want to fight about this! It's not a fight! It's not Me, Mer, and Pen against the rest. I understand what you had to say about Pen...it's nothing that hadn't already crossed my mind. I realized just today that I took my prior knowledge of Pen into that thread...and my "defense" of her reflected that.
But, you see, with NO knowledge of Pen or what she was about, people jumped all over her. She was told that she didn't belong there. I didn't find that to be fair. The title of the thread was "Inside the mind of the OW." All that followed was a whole bunch of nasty comments. I don't blame her for jumping in and saying that it wasn't nice. It wasn't.
I still stand by my statement that Pen has lots of insight and that I find it admirable that she would attempt to share it, knowing full well that she will start these controversies. How is the suggestion to learn from Pen any different from the suggestion in Michelle's book that you should take a look at what your H sees in the OW...? No one is taking Michelle to task for "condoning" extramarital relationships. Because she's not!!! She's just saying that the sitch is what it is, and that you need to do with it what you can. If you choose to, that is. And, since all these people are on a site dedicated to saving marriages, well, I assumed that they were open to differing opinions. I looked at it as: If there is a fight to be had here, it is all of us fighting for better marriages, fighting for understanding of the WAS, etc. I really look at this board as a form of comradary. And, being a person that would rather hear another perspective than an "arf," well, I am guilty of offering up what I like.
I'm sorry if this doesn't sound nice. I'm not angry at you or anyone else. I guess I am just exasperated at this point. When a sentence starts with, "It sticks in my craw that..." well, my sensitive self steps in and wonders how in the world I managed to make anyone have a clogged-up craw!
I guess all I can do is stop speaking to this subject. Which also saddens me, because I sure could have used someone telling me that anger is poison way back in the day.
SO, I guess that ends this. I really am sorry for whatever I said that made you think that I think I'm right and others are wrong. I really don't think that. In fact, your post gave me lots to think about. It scares me to question it or comment on it though, because I don't want to be seen as combative. And, I'm slowly realizing that I must really come across that way despite the way I intend to come across.
Peace out back at ya.
And, Betsey, I am truly sorry for addressing this here. Looks like the reunion is over. Back to my hole for another few months.....
