Diving back into the ocean

[Underdog]

But, but, but... I don't give love a bad name? Or at least nobody has ever sung that to me before?

I'm having a bit of a grieving evening. Frankly, it caught me by surprise. The tears have passed and I'm going to head off to spend some QT with D10 (her LL) as soon as she finishes her homework. I guess she wanted to wait until I got home to do it.

Mr. Wonderful and I typically attend back-to-school nights individually, as they fall on different nights. We take turns every year swapping the kids. He attended D10's last week, and I attended D7's tonight.

She loves school and has the same teacher for 2nd grade as she did for 1st. And some parents recognized me and mentioned that their kids love D7. One of the dads has known her for 3 years know and has fallen in love with her.

However, for one hour, I sat through a beautiful presentation given by her teacher of the 2nd grade curriculum and all the wonderful things that the kids were doing. It was absolutely grueling for me.

I realized that D7 won't be doing any speeches about anything. She won't be able to take any spelling tests. She won't be able to give a weekly book report. She won't be able to work with any proficiency at math. It was all I could do to not leave early.

I got home and found Mr. Wonderful sitting on the couch--D10 was up in her room and D7 was in the bathtub. He asked me how it was and I burst into tears. Then I started sobbing about how much I hate this and how doggone much this hurts. And for the first time in a long time, he started to tear up too.

He said quietly, "Bets, why didn't you ask me to take hers too? I had no idea that this was so awful for you?" I managed to squeak out, "It's okay, it just took me by surprise. I've felt a little of this before, but for some reason, I just got blindsided." He just nodded and said he understood.

I walked upstairs to find her eating shaving cream in the bathtub (don't ask). He walked up on my heels, grabbed me, hugged me and let me cry. And I appreciated it.

There are lots of things I'm really glad about, but others make me really profoundly sad. D10 reminded me that maybe one day she'll be able to hold a job. I just hope someone creates one for a girl who thinks she's a cat.

Betsey