Betsey, Betsey, Betsey... where to begin with all these insightful posts and spycam references?
How about the middle?
Quote: The truth is definitely obvious: if he had really wanted ME, we would not be where we are. Now he just is having problems accepting the consequences for his choices. I liken it to something I witnessed in high school: he doesn't want me, but he doesn't want anyone else to want me either.
There sure seems to be the emotionally immaturity of teenagers with some of these WAs, including the one I happen to know intimately. And there is definitely the fact that consequences of their choices are pretty uncomfortable-- what mine told me was even more uncomfortable is the fact that other people can see these consequences... as D10 managed to prove quite naturally.
So... then some of it, I think, is more about them not knowing what they really wanted for so long. And having to face that fallout now. Because there you are looking good, having fun and living life and wait, he didn't want to be part of that for so long because... um, why was that again?
Uh, did he really think no one was going to come calling? Or that given half a chance some new man wouldn't think you are a fascinating, caring, interesting woman who's fun to hang out with?
As a male friend put it to me last year... "What's he pouting about? Doesn't he get that someone else is going to snap you up like premium real estate? Well, yes. He does. And at that point, he gets that the choice will no longer be his and he can't have you back."
In Mr. W's case, I have to agree that he doesn't seem to be putting up any dramatic fights here. Maybe that's not who he is. Maybe he doesn't know how. Maybe that's not what he wants to do. How are you supposed to read his mind... oh wait, that's right... you're not.
It's YOUR mind that you need to read, and you seem to be doing just fine on that note, IMHO. When he gets through his stuff, well, I suspect you'll be right back on the friends road because of the way you are handling things.
Quote: What a refreshing change from the steady diet of indifference and avoidance? What girl doesn't like a guy who is willing to express his enthusiasm for being present in whatever shape or form that holds?
Well... yeah! Attention and integrity are a potent combination. Your gentleman friend sure sounds like a good guy.
Ellie's right on about the appearance of dating/moving ahead. For some WAs, it does seem to turn their head around. That kind of stuff benefits us as LBSs even more because it sure does give OUR outlook a big shift.
At some point, though, I'd add that the WAs really do need to step up to the plate too... and sometimes that means they need to work harder than just saying they want to reconcile or even moving back home. This idea that they can expect their S to just go along with this "be there whenever and I will make a middling effort now and then" plan is just plain crazy, IMHO. Patience is one thing...
