Diving back into the ocean

[Underdog]

A big hug to all who stopped by. Sorry I wasn't here!

We've been having problems with our DSL at work and finally have some answers, which is to replace the faulty DSL modem--that should happen very soon, so I hope to be back up and running off of dial up this morning. I owe some e-mail replies to a few of you, which I will attempt to do in short order--as soon as my faster connection becomes available (dial up really sucks).

Well, it seems as though my life is taking on a new phase. As I mentioned last week, Mr. Wonderful and I agreed on an ending and a beginning for ourselves and we were both feeling pretty good about things.

Well, at least until he discovered that there is someone interested in me and that the feeling is mutual.

Now it seems as though he is not happy about this turn of events. He's acting moody and petulant and rather sullen. This from a guy who has wanted nothing to do with me for 2 years?

Our phone chats are still frequent and cooperative, though. He called me after dinner last night to discuss the latest golf tournament saga and then surprised me by making a snotty comment about my social life.

Bruce, the great white shark, was dying to come out and take a bite out of him. But true to form, I decided to keep silent and figure out how I would deal with this latest twist.

I decided to address the issue with him. D10 was with me when I got off the phone and inquired as to why I seemed disgusted. I told her I was going to call him back before we got started on her homework when she offered, "Mom, looks like Dad is a little jealous. Not that he has any reason to be complaining."

Uh huh.

He answered, and un-shark-like Betsey addressed the comment directly and kindly (as D10 will witness). I started by stating, "We've worked really hard to cease the sarcasm in between us, and I thought we had eliminated snide remarks from our conversation completely. It really hurts, and I would like for us to continue to work together without this dynamic present." Then I shut up.

He immediately apologized and told me that his comment was meant to be snide and was sorry for it and mentioned that it was completely inappropriate and out of line. I accepted it and decided to discuss a little further.

I let him know that I truly do not have any hard feelings about our path, but commented that surely he had considered the possibility of other men finding me interesting enough to want to date? He grunted in some form of quasi acknowledgment.

I told him that I was sorry if finding this out was something that caused him distress and that I don't like seeing him unhappy, but I wasn't apologizing for wanting to date.

He surprised me by saying in sort of a sullen tone, "Well, I'm NOT happy about any of this. Period." Then in his usual Mr. Wonderful conflict avoidance pattern, changed the subject back to D7. I decided I would let it pass.

I put the phone back in the cradle and D10 was sitting on the sofa with a grin on her face. She piped up, "Well, too bad for Dad. Even I figured this one out a long time ago."

The truth is definitely obvious: if he had really wanted ME, we would not be where we are. Now he just is having problems accepting the consequences for his choices. I liken it to something I witnessed in high school: he doesn't want me, but he doesn't want anyone else to want me either.

A friend of mine called me yesterday afternoon and I had the chance to fill her in on the latest. She commented, "Betsey, one day that man will thank you for this. And then you will truly be friends."

Yep, I figure she's right.

So another day in the life here in my corner of the ocean. I'm busy trying to get ready for my grandmother's visit (who will be arriving from the real Bruce's part of the world) and figuring out how to stretch my finances to get to Christmas.

I know many of you are groaning at that thought, but I try to keep Christmas on a cash basis and get it done early so I don't have to spend the entire month of December in a constant adrenaline rush... which makes me feel like I've missed the whole point. I hate that.

On a good note? Today is payday, and I need to get hopping.

Hope everyone is feeling good and I'll check back later.

Betsey