Diving back into the ocean

[Underdog]

Hi guys and ladies,

Nice to log in and find so many people sad! I have such a way with words, and making people sad is such a gift, you know...

Unfinished business is what we will always be because of our roles as parents, particularly to a developmentally disabled girl. I appreciate your words, Maya, more than you will ever know.

But I'm just not going to consider holding on to that chapter of my life just because we have a past life together. He was good enough to tell me (which I forgot to mention here) that the reason he's been so hesitant to tell me he definitely WANTS to D is because of the quantity and quality of years we've been together.

And he's now at a point in his journey where he can look back and see that most of our years together were happy. I'm glad that the temporary insanity and resulting rewriting of marital history has been replaced with better memories.

Funny, something else I forgot to mention last night. When we were discussing D10 and her jealousy when being around his friends (Gary and Pam), I mentioned that D10 thought Pam had an interest in him. Instead of saying, "WTF? I'm not interested in her!" he said, "What? Really? Does she really think that? I don't think Pam would be interested in me as a package with kids and D7's disability."

I said, "You know, D10 is pretty intuitive." He quipped, "Yes, she is. This is interesting. I think Pam might have a boyfriend."

Note: He pursued me when I was in a R as well!

I grinned, knowing he could hear me smile and said, "Since when did that stop you?"

He laughed and retorted, "What a low blow! I stole you fair and square! But point taken."

Interesting...

Jerry, I think you hit the nail on the head: they need to feel comfortable in their own skin. And I'm giving him all the latitude and permission to do this in his own time.

In the meantime, I'm doing things for me! I plan on returning to a life of travel that I once used to love and cherish. The blood that runs through my veins is the same blood my father's somewhat gypsy family has--we love seeing new places and faces, and we enjoy hopping on a plane to do just that. I foresee an empty checkbook but a lot of smiles and memories.

D10 is a great traveler too, so I might have to take her on a few of my junkets, as long as she is not in school. She is very used to hopping planes and living out of a suitcase...

Yes, Jerry, we do deserve to love and be loved in equal measure in return. I plan on opening my heart to new possibilities and will attempt not to apply the logic I used to have when dating. However, the clean fingernails rule will continue to be a boundary...

I heard my name being called in Seattle Hopeful's thread, so I'm on my way.

Be well you guys!

Betsey