Quote: He then volunteered some information. He finally realized that how he was raised had everything to do with his inability to share emotion with me, and said he really wanted to spend some time figuring out how his conflict avoidance came about. He mentioned his R with his mother...
I told him I'm reading a book for women (Women Who Love Too Much) that is actually something that he might benefit from reading because it discusses this issue. He seemed interested...
Now that you have reached the agreement you have reached, you have the opportunity to offer a suggestion with clear heart and without worry that the offer is misinterpreted or confused with your need to "fix" him for your M.
I do see the tremendous gift that you have offered each other in this decision. It is sad. But pushing forward and pushing and pulling on each other has greater potential for tremendous sadness. That he FELT that you had let go, speaks volumes.
For all our ACT AS IF, etc. These people who have lived with us, loved us and, have moved away... if they still care about us at all, and most do, are tuned into the pain that we feel. Their guilt must be huge.
Your h has truly just gotten his first free breath ..and wouldn't you know that he is spending it moving towards that which you had hoped for all along? He is actually considering taking himself on in therapy.
Stay close by, Betsey. You may not want to hear this. And it may be the wrong thing to say. But I do NOT think the story is over. I DO hope that you are able to move on for yourself and begin to plan the life you and the girls can have together. And I DO think that it will be wonderful when you meet someone who can return the tremendous love, vitality, wisdom and joy that you have to share.
I might be completely thick-skulled...but... I think this story is...
