You say you bring up R issues when you need to. I wonder what that means? I sometimes walk around wondering when H will bring up one of his 'issues', and end up avoiding him because of it.
I know you help out around the house, etc. but it also sounds like you're holding a lot of resentment. I don't think it's about getting to where you 'don't care', but that you care enough about yourself that you call the shots, rather than worrying about what your W thinks or feels.
I find when I think about how H (or someone else) feels, I don't take into account my own feelings, and I usually end up feeling resentment, or at least wondering what I've gotten myself into. It's sort of like when you're on an airplane, and they tell you to put your own oxygen mask on first before helping anyone else.
If you take care of yourself first, you'll be able to help the others around you much better.
You probably will have to wait a while 'till W feels comfortable opening up to you. If during that time you are a strong, caring person who knows what he wants and how to get it, it might make it easier for her. What if you two were dating, and you weren't sure of how she felt about you? How would you act then?
