Quote: Chris, your wife may have contributed to the state of your marriage but you are the one responsible for the affair, not her. I agree that two years is a long time, but it will be even longer if both of you don't agree to work on it. If she won't agree, then you can only work on yourself for a while.
Yep, I know I'm responsible for having the affair. Instead of talking to my W, I talked to the OW. Instead of wanting my W, I wanted the OW. Instead of saying ILY to my W, I said ILY to the OW... every day, at least once, for over a year. I led a double life, keeping my W in the dark while I snuck around "behind her back" (literally and physically sometimes - I'd leave OW voicemail messages while my W was in the shower or tending to the kids or otherwise occupied). I planned vacations by myself to go and see OW while my W stayed home with the kids and had to sleep in an empty bed without me.
I can't take it all back, though I wish I could. The past is the past, forever immune to change. How I wish I could have been stronger back when I was feeling the distance between my W and I growing. Useless thoughts, I know... all the "what ifs" that I chose to ignore, the "what ifs" that could have made my M stronger instead of tearing it apart.
It's been over for almost a year between me and OW. Maybe that's not long enough to let things rest before trying to rebuild a M, so I have no choice but to work on ME until my W feels like working on US. I do expect my W to forgive me and move on with life. If she can't do that, then I guess I'm getting a D one of these years.
So yeah, I feel I've been patient in waiting for my W to come around and realize that we need to do some work on the M. I can suggest change... and hope that my suggestions will be heard. What else can I do?
