As I mentioned on the Happy Effin' Birthday to Me thread, I have comment on some of Corri's replies to Hairdog and Wildebube, so go there and read about "trust issues... wallowing... self-denial... faux R fixing." These all describe me quite well.
Sometimes, I read Corri's postings and think that she's describing me! I get pissed off/angry for a minute (thinking that Corri is being "holier than thou" in a condescending way), and then I realize that she's doling out tough love. There's no sugar coating there... rather, it's more like "shut up and listen, you fool, because I can't stand your whining."
I think I know what Corri is saying to us HDHs who are convinced that our W must change: we should grow some balls, be an adult (not a little boy), decide to change ourselves for the better, and show our W some respect by participating 50-50 in the M from a 100% honest point-of-view (rather than our warped "my way must win" POV). This would give us a lot more peace of mind than whining all the time. It would stop the cycle. It would give the M the best chance it has to be happy.
Most of us HDH are wimps. We like living in our little delusional worlds that we've created for ourselves. We've done stupid things (letting our LDW control when we have sex; not wanting to initiate LM because we don't want to get shot down or denied; being passive-aggressive and doing things to piss LDW off, only so we can "make up and ML" and pretend to stand up for ourselves) for so long and now don't know how to take a stand for ourselves.
I'm as guilty as HD or WB with the "I've tried so many things and nothing is working" self-pity party. The sad fact is, I'm lying to myself and everyone else by saying those types of things. I've tried things, but I've never consistently maintained my stance. Instead, I was content to think that the problem was resolved if it went away.
What should I do? I know what I should do (I won't type it out here... it'll take all afternoon). I have admitted it to myself, but then I have decided that something else might work instead - "the easy road" rather than the tough one. Nope, sorry, not happening. I'm still at square one, no matter how I lie to myself and think I'm not.
