Quote: But what about the piece of my desire that isn't about soothing anxiety or seeking validation or even emotional connection to my partner? What about the piece of desire that is part of my identity and integrity and has made me HD since I was 15. I don't think pure physical hornyness alone encompasses it and I don't think I can give it up.
I think being what you are is absolutely an integrity issue. If you are a talented basketball player, not playing is a loss of integrity. Of course, basketball is a team sport. If you are the best player on the team, spreading the ball around and making your team mates better is an act of differentiation. You're less likely to win if you take all of the shots yourself. Then again, you can always quit the team and find a better one.
It is unlikely that you will ever reach parity in desire with your H. Fighting for a passionate sex life, and achieving it, are acts of integrity. But recognizing your husband's efforts (and progress) to please you and being understanding of his natural shortcomings can also be acts of integrity if they are done out of your love for him.
Regards,
SM
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
