Chris: PM gets you to think more about why you are actually desiring sex and redirects you to connect with your partner. So, say if I am having a bad day and want sex with H to provide me with comfort or escape, Schnarch would say that I am using sex as an anxiety reliever when I could HOM and find other ways to soothe myself. Also, if I were having a bad day and wanted sex with H to remind myself of my attractiveness and femininity, this, in PM terms, would be other-validated intimacy. ( I am making a mental note to try to not have bad days). The book makes you dissect your desire and save the piece that's about emotional connection with your partner. This can lessen desire in and of itself because of ambivalent feelings we have toward our spouses. Anyway, Dave and Tim explain it better, and I myself have pulled away from the self help genre, so I am basically using a little of this and that when I confront H, which is why I am so lost. Journey
