Every time I make blanket statements somebody jumps on me, but here I go again. I think everything you've said/felt is pretty natural.
My sitch is similar, except that we were ML about twice a year rather than twice a month. W thinks I'm a great father, and as nearly as I can tell, a great H as well. Our only real problem is no sex. W is happy with none, but was relenting with duty sex two or maybe three times a year. My goal is two or three times a week.
About the time I discovered this board, I picked up SSM and devoured it. I hadn't read PM, but I picked up enough here that I had a few of the basic ideas. I initiated "the talk" with W where I told her that I wanted more sex. I'll skip the details as you can find them elsewhere if you're interested. The point is, things have gotten better - not there yet, but better. We're up to every ten days or so. But what I really wanted to address is the D. Even before things started improving, I noticed a drop in my level of D. I wouldn't say that I was LD by any means, but it's more like the comments about debasing myself by begging for duty sex. I had just gotten to the point where I didn't even want it. It's hard to explain the juxaposition of wanting sex so badly and not wanting it at all, but that's where I was. I even posted something here about having sex with W (not ML, duty sex is just sex) and even as I was in the act, I was thinking to myself, "why am I even bothering".
I really don't know where I'm going with this - just rambling. All I can say is to keep trying. We had a watered down version of the talk several times and things are better. We're still only up to about three times a month, but that's a lot better than it was. Also the quality is so much better that I can't even describe it. I don't really know if she's enjoying it or not, but W is at least a willing participant. Where before I got a very clear, "hurry up - do you thing and get it over with" message, now it seems to be done out of an actual desire to please me. I still think we have a ways to go, but things are progressing. So keep your chin up and keep trying.
