Well, here I am... starting a new thread because the old one doesn't seem like "me" anymore. I hope that this one is going to help me out even more than the other one. We'll see.
Brief summary:
Me = HD ; W = LD ; M = 12 years ; D6 and D2 are "the focus" of most everyday life activities ; W and I both work full-time ; LM is 2-3 times a month at most.
I finished Michele's SSM book about 2 months ago. I talked with my W about my wants and feelings regarding our SSM, and I gave her the book. She seemed interested to learn about what I had been reading. I presented it to her as something that I really enjoyed. Well, my W is on page 50-something still, and it doesn't look like she's reading it anymore. I didn't push her to read it, nor do I really expect her to finish it. I was just hoping for a little miracle.
So, I'm reading Schnarch's PM now. I'm up to Chapter 5 ("Sexual Desire: Who Wants to What?"). I have highlighted a lot of paragraphs so far so that I can go back and find things that "poked my psyche" and such. I like it so far, especially the concent of self-validated intimacy. My W will probably hate it.
At this point, I'm ready to have the difficult talks with my W. I have a tolerance for bullsh*t, and I have been "living with" the LM 2-3 times a month for a long time. My big decisions now are... what should I start with? what do I do when she starts "blaming" things on difficult circumstances in life (the kids, her self-image, her job stresses, and such)? I also wonder... does she need to acknowledge that "there's a problem" with our M before we get anywhere in our discussions?
I've written this before, in other threads here on DB.com, but I might as well write it here at "the beginning" of my own thread: I know that I am part of the problem. I have contributed to the current difficult situation in my M, and I know that I have been, at times, a selfish bastard when it comes to having my way. I do NOT think that I am 100% to blame, nor do I think that past history should be any indicator of future performance. My W's mileage may vary.
I used to sound like a WAH. I used to become quite pissed off at my W for "the way things are" today. I used to be more selfish and less sensitive. I used to expect HER to change for me. I used to deal with the status quo because I was afraid that my W would walk away. As I said above, that's the past.
Now, I want to ML twice a week to maintain my EC to my W (if you know the 5LLs, I'm a Physical Affection guy). I want to be self-validating when it comes to intimacy. I want to be the H that I haven't been for my W. I want to be more happy than sad in life.
I'll do my best to express these wants to my W. We'll see where it goes. PM and I are becoming friends. I hope that my W and I can be "more than friends" sometime soon.
