Yes I have read SSM. I think right now, PM is much more beneficial. SSM seems to be more geared toward a couple who's main problem is lack of ML, or who are working on things together. I see it as sort of an exersize book for PM.
I'm almost all the way through PM. I'm sure I'll go back and read over certain parts again.
I don't have too much problems in coming up with things to talk about. I really don't want it to turn into me listing off 'issues'...I really think we need to find a way to relate as two adults, without worrying about R issues, to find a way to rebuild the EC. There are things that need to be discussed, but nothing's going to get resolved if neither realizes the other is interested in listening.
MM, I agree that we could probably benefit from the hugging exersize.
That brings me to a question I brought up a while ago - is it possible to do this exersize if H doesn't know that's what we're doing? I don't think he'll be too receptive to 'exersizes' at this point. At one point during the discussion last night, he refered to the 'books I ordered which must be giving me some idea of what to do'. I told him he was more than welcome to read them, and he made it very clear he had no intentions of reading them.
I've been thinking about your H and how he seems sort of uptight and old-fashioned. He reminds me of a LD character in a novel I like, so I was thinking about what would have motivated that character to be more receptive to his wife. I decided that he would have been motivated by an appeal to his sense of honor. Perhaps you should take the discussion up a notch from being personal with your H. Instead of trying to get him to see your point of view, just inform him in no uncertain terms that he is not doing his duty as a husband. Point out to him that you are doing your best to do your duty as a wife and mother and it is unfair of him to expect you to perform these duties while suffering from the psychological burden of celibacy. Tell him that you understand that he may have complaints about you but that does not excuse him from doing his duty towards a wife who is bound to him by the dependence of her young children. Tell him that if he has problems that inhibit his ability to have sex with you then it his duty to address them.
I will grant that this line of argument might just yield some sort of horrible dutiful husband sex, but at least it would be a start from which you could hope to work towards improvement as you built EC.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
