I think you need a two pronged approach. You need to have the conversation. H needs to know what you expect from him. Then you need to find ways to get closer to him, even though he seems to want to fight that at every turn. And I still haven't heard any real insights from you as to why you two are so distant. I know you've tried, but your biggest and hardest task is to get your H to self disclose. This has to be a big part of that conversation. "We need to have sex. If we aren't having sex, I need to know why. I need you to trust me and tell me what is going on." Stuff like that.

SM

"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment."
Henry David Thoreau