Wow, I'm hesitant to jump in here since I'm the H and not the HDW.
I have to ask you both (MM and heap)... does it really matter if your Hs revert back to their former attitudes/behaviors once in a while? Are you afraid that, if they do, they'll just stay that way? And... are your perceived expectations of your H too high, or so high that your H can never achieve your goals for him?
IMO, a M can't be good ALL the time since each partner has a different opinion of what he/she wants or needs from life. This want/need can change on a daily basis sometimes! I know, for myself, that there are days that I enjoy giving my W and D6 and D2 everything that they want... and there are days that I wish that everyone would leave me alone so I can do what I want to do (IOW I want to be selfish and have MY way for a change, if only for a day). I can hear my W say, "but I never get to do that... why should you?" Well, I feel entitled to it after servicing the family for days on end. Yes, I said entitled... selfish as that may be. I don't understand why she can't feel similarly and be selfish once in a while, but maybe that's not a "mom thing."
I know that I have a lot of work to do in my M, but I'm willing to wait around for months/years for that work to pay off. I don't want a D, and I don't have an "escape plan," so I'm willing to do that. I know that I won't wake up tomorrow to a different W... I won't magically have a W who's more HD or more aware of my needs for physical touch. I have to keep talking to her. I have to keep telling her about what I want, through all of the future sicknesses and times of job stress and winter blahs and minor crises that could sidetrack or derail my messages.
Now, if in 2+ years my W is still treating the M and me as she is now (more roommate/best friend and less husband/partner)... my opinions will be different. I may formulate an escape plan. I may whack her over the head with my copy of PM. I may look back and find that the 2+ years were a waste of time. I have no idea where I'm going, and that's a little upsetting. BUT... I'm going to keep working on things and hoping that it gets better rather than staying status quo.
