Aghh, I just wrote a long, insightful reply to you all, and now I just lost it
Anyway...J33, don't feel bad about 'hijacking' keep going!!! I've been through the same lines of thought that you have, it's very helpful to hear how you've dealt with it (and know I'm not alone!!)
I've been through the whole gammit of thinking that this must be an abusive relationship, to feeling that I was exaggerating the whole thing. Which is right? I'm not sure, and I don't know how much it matters in the end.
Mo, in a way, I think I'm further along than you are. Meaning, I was the 'there's nothing wrong and I'm to blame' W about 4-5 yrs ago, before the twins. I guess that was such an overwhelming experience, maybe I did some diferentiating already then? I know I did grow as a person, and was able to see how much I had grown as a result of living here, as a foriegner. Maybe that's the crisis I went through.
I don't remember what it was that started me talking, but it felt so good, and got me very angry at the same time. At some point I realized that my just talking and getting angry wasn't going to do anything either, and I managed to find my way here.
Does it do any good to think like this? Mo, I've sensed that there has been still something bothering you. Is this it? Is it that you wonder how long it's going to last? Has H really changed, does he really understand how much he hurt you? And are you doing the right thing staying there?
I think part of the reason I'm 'dragging my feet' right now, is that I know next week H goes back to work, which = stress, which = miserable. And winter's coming...this summer's been so cr*ppy that we're all going to be bad this winter, and I don't want to think how H is going to be...
Mo, J33 I'm watching you to see if this is possible. To see if things can change, permanently. I know the danger in that is that we're all different inspite of the similarities on the surface, but it's something, anyway.
NOPkins, I guess I'll dig up your old threads to read. The advice I've seen you give here seems so insightful, so caring, and to know you've dealt with this in some way - it would be great to hear your side of things.
