Conversation 101

[MJontheMend]

I've wondered sometimes if he 'withholds' sex, but I'm not sure if that's really a contious thing.

Did you indicate in one of your posts that your H used porn even though he didn't have sex with you. This was true in my relationship also. Think about how this contrasts with the behavior of many of the LD wives. If you really don't like or desire sexual activity than I would say that you can't really consciously decide to "withhold" it. What was your H or my H thinking as they pulled out their porn stash or trolled the internet for excitement. Clearly, they wanted to engage in a sexual activity. Are our needs so unimportant that they didn't even consider them or did they consider our needs and consciously decide to ignore them once again? Before I figured out how frequently my H was MBing, I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he just had a very low drive due to depression or hormones or genetics. Learning just how much of his sexual energy was being directed elsewhere was what put me over the edge. My harshest interpretation of the situation is that ignoring your wife and using porn instead is just the introverted man's version of having an affair or visiting prostitutes. The emotional effect is the same.(Note to all HD men reading this post. I do not think using porn in addition to trying to satisfy your wife or because your wife is unable to satisfy you is wrong.)

Clearly, I am in quite a mood tonight because I compared withholding sex to physical abuse and using porn instead of satisfying your partner to having an affair. I guess I'm just trying to come to terms with why I am having so much trouble trusting that the changes my H is trying to make will be permanent. Maybe this is why you feel yourself to be somewhat unmotivated to even try.