TNC wrote:
Quote:

If this is "all about sex" and not about other parts of your M, then it makes sense to focus on ML with your H as "The Issue" that needs to be addressed first. Seeing as this message thread is under the SSM section on DB.com, that fits. However, if (like me) you have a "Love-Starved Marriage" or "Communication-Starved Marriage" then things get a bit more difficult.




Chris,

Ours is a 'starved' marriage, in any sense of the word. I have pulled myself away from H emotionally, and H has backed way off too - as he said in the convo the other night (not the first time) he feels it's much easier not to say anything than try and work things out.

But I see it as sort of a big tangle of string, and it doesn't really matter where we start, as long as we start somewhere. I would use the analogy of starting to practice a real new piece of music, with all kinds of strange effects and strange notation - at first sight it seems completely overwhelming, and even a trained musician isn't really sure where to start. But usually just starting, anywhere 'breaks the ice', and before too long you start finding the patterns and unraveling what the composer had in mind.

I do realize that I have to stick to whatever I say or do. I know that's been the problem in the past, that I backed down too easily, or didn't even bother trying since I knew the amount of work involved. Now that I realize that's just as much of the problem as his part, it's easier for me to 'dig in'. I don't have anything to loose. I really feel that I'm in this for me, and no matter what the outcome, I'm going to end up stronger.

Today I had made plans to meet a GF to go for a walk. When I got back, no one was home, H had taken the kids out for a walk!! Later H got the kids to help him fold laundry, and helped get the boys ready for bed(!!!). And yes, SM, I did make a BIG point of thanking him.

The 'real' test though, will be if H can keep this up after he goes back to work, and as it gets dark...(he's very SAD, though just about everyone here is, including me, to some extent, and this year's going to be VERY bad,since we haven't had much sun this summer ) Or actually, the test will be if *I* can keep this up In all honesty, I don't find my H overy attractive right now, though I'm trying, and not giving up. There is still a part of me fighting inside, not wanting this to work. I just keep telling her to wait around a while to see what happens . I'm pretty sure that if H used the line that IHJ's H used, that would change real quick!!

Oh, by the way, I am using the color code in my posts...I just figured black was a pretty good color for once in more than 2700 days...you can guarentee that if that ever changes, my whole post will be red!!!