Quote: The convo you had with your H is sickeningly familiar to me. Your H is probably like my H in that he thinks of himself as being a "nice, sensitive" guy. Therefore, if you aren't happy with him, you are just too demanding. Don't you know how lucky you are to be with a man who represses his aggressive tendencies and his sex drive!
Yes, that sounds just like my H!! I suspect your theory about 'emotional machochism' has a grain of truth in it too. I'm not sure about the passion part though, since I haven't seen anything remotely resembling it coming from my H in a looonggg time. As I said, his 'passions' have started more resembling 'obsessions' - a perfectionist drive that makes him an asset to the 'causes' he works for, but make him very difficult to live with.
About him setting the pace...thank you for that. I was a little confused about his complaint that I am 'hostile' in our convos, and I know while at times it's just me stating my opinion, I can get defensive as well, so this was a 'sore point' that he could push and get to me with. I do see now that most of our convos have been 'fused' - with each of us having a completely different idea of what's going on - me feeling like I'm having my opinions stifled, H feeling like I'm attacking him.
I'm not sure I have the guts yet to pull the 'singles bar' move. Actually, it may not have so much to do with guts, as that I need to figure out how to adjust it to my sitch - H knows all too well that I would NOT go into a local bar to pick someone up...guess I'm a little picky, even in this desperate state!
