I'm out at a class this week, so I'm only getting to check in once in the morning. I just want to chime in and agree with those who have said not to move to another room. It appears that H would be happy not having his space invaded and having any pressure to be intimate removed.
I also agree with the need for an exit strategy. I don't know if you're serious about possibly leaving him, but if you're going to mention it at all, you need to at least have the framework of a plan prepared. My W doesn't work at all other than volunteer work at church and in an adult literacy/English as a second language program at the library. She threatened to leave me at the time she was accusing me of having an A. Her plan was to move back with the parents. (She knows as well as I do that that would NEVER work, but it could have been an interim solution.) You sitch is different since you're in another country and can't move back to the States without your kids. Does Finland allow dual citizenship? Are you a Finnish citizen? What's the employment sitch like over there - once the kids are all in school, could you get another job with sufficient income to support yourself?
Depending upon the answers to these and other similar questions, you could simply chart out a viable course, but make no moves to implement it. A good exercise might be to look at what would happen were H to die. I know that Finland is a fairly socialist country, but I don’t know what kind of state support there is for widows and orphans. Unless you can count on the state, it’s just prudent to plan for something like that. And having a plan may give you a leg up on building an exit strategy.
