Conversation 101

[SolidMechanic]

One of my thoughts was that I could move into the guest room.

Yeah, I thught about this too. But then I thought about how my in-laws had separate bedrooms for years, and started thinking that this might actually take the pressure off, rather than keeping the pressure on. Especially for Heapdad, since he likes his "personal space", he might really love separate BRs.

I would like to have an 'exit' plan. Which for me would need to include some way of financially being able to somewhat stand on my own feet. Not that I'd leave, but it would give me a lot more confidence, and leverage. I do own half this house, and have a smallish account in my name in the States, but as you might imagine, it would be difficult, to say the least, to raise 4 kids on a flute teacher's salary. I'm not willing right now, while the kid's are young to take a second job, and it's difficult even to find time to do the stuff necessary to start getting playing gigs.

When I asked those questions about what do you do to bring your husband to the table, it was because I kind of figured that divorce would be a very poor option for you, considering your situation. Few of us, including me, are ready to call it quits. Many of us would never even consider D. One of the hard parts of this process is finding levers that will work on our spouses.

Do they have marriage councilors in Finland? It would be good to try working stuff out face to face with an "expert", and would also put a lot of heat on Heapdad. You can ask H to go with you, but don't expect it.

SM