Now wasn't that easy? HELL NO!!! You are roughly in the same place I am - no sex, but you've laid down the gauntlet. Heapdad will look at you now like you've got a 2x4 behind your back and you are going to swat him between the eyes at any moment.
I can't pretend to know what he is thinking. You can't either, since he doesn't seem to talk. But you bashed down one of the walls in his cozy little house. If he is at all like my wife, he's not coming out right now. He sounds like a world class foot dragger. He's as dug in as the anchor for the QE2. If he does start talking, he is going to blame you. Actually, he is already doing that. You should point out the illogic of his positions. (My wife's favorite rant is "Why do I have to do all the changing?" This is nonsense. I have changed a ton. And if we want to go from no sex to some sex, yes she has to change.) But listen to the few things that he does say. I'm sure that some of them are legitimate grievences. Tell him he's right and that you'll work on them. It will decrease his grounds for stonewalling and put even more pressure on him.
I have another issue for you, and it is a little delicate. Are you putting him in a dilema that he needs to work his way out of? If he does not start paying attention to your emotional and sexual needs, what are you going to do? Have you thought this through carefully? Have you told him? He may think that he can drag his feat because you don't have any other options. In my case, I didn't threaten impending divorce, but I did tell W not to expect to grow old with me if she didn't change.
Here's hoping for more productive conversations about sex and intimacy with our respective spouses.
Regards,
SM
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
