Heap, I think you need to start really pulling out the big guns, lol.
When communicating your needs with H, I would stop all the hinting and pussyfooting around.
I used to do this and it NEVER got me what I wanted. I found it so sadistic of him that he knew what I was getting at but would pretend that he didn't. In fact, I still think this way, HOWEVER there is an LD lady poster here named Corri who presented a totally different viewpoint for me to consider and it really changed the way I approach communication with H.
Basically she said that the hints are a passive aggressive way of getting what you want. Instead of treating the other person with respect and giving them the option of saying Yes or No, you are taking that away from them. In any of us, it would generate a response of "oh screw you" if our spouses were hinting instead of clearly and compassionately stating their needs. Her posts are much more articulate in explaining this, btw! Think of it this way: If H was hinting that he wanted a cleaner house, what would your first reaction be? Probably anger or frustration. Your H sounds like his first reaction (in order to cover up the anger/frustration) is to laugh it off and in effect invalidate what you are saying.
So instead of the "If you would ML to me more often..." statements, how do you think he would react to a REAL conversation in which you laid it all out and said, "I am really not happy with the level of physical intimacy we have going on. What would you be willing to do to work with me on this?"
I admit that this second approach takes a bunch more balls to really pull this off, but that is the road to truly resolving it. The sly comments will get you nowhere except frustrated, while he sits there and eats his candy.
Also, paradoxically, I could hint til the cows came home and it wasn't until I actually came out and said the words I NEED MORE SEX that H really got it. Until that moment he honestly did not get that I was really serious and needed more than he was giving.
Sometimes I think the cultural "I am a man and therefore have the higher sex drive" is so ingrained that nothing but directly blowing that statement out of the water will work.
