These kind of strained convos are indicative of emotional fusion. The more you are able to talk and respond in a way that is honest and forthright rather than talking and responding in a way that you think your H would appreciate or in a defensive manner, the better your communication will be and the more differentiated you will be. Of course, communicating in this way takes a lot of confidence and courage and though I think My H and I have greatly improved our level of communication recently, I know I still have a long way to go because I am a big chicken when it comes to any sort of confrontation. I think getting angry(you?) or cold(your H) during a conversation is just another way of showing fear, the equivalent of my tendency to put on a fake happy face or cry.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
