Quote: she has always valued her self-worth and 99% of her self-esteem based on whether or not a man wanted to have sex with her. She said it's something she's always stuggled with for her whole life. And that being wanted sexually...even if it was from someone she'd never sleep with...gave her a boost. So when we had our problems it hurt her to the core because that's how she has always viewed sex...it was about her self-esteem and not really the other person in the room.
I don't think this is that unusual with women, honestly. I don't know that I would go so far as to say it was not about the other person in the room--that sounds a little extreme unless it was someone you were TRYING to forget about, lol--but I totally know where she is coming from with these sentiments. I don't see a problem with how she views her sexuality except that it sounds a little extreme to me. In addition to that, she needs to continue to do the repairwork on herself until she gets to the point that she can see herself as a sexy hot momma without needing to hear it (or see it) from a man FIRST. Does that make sense?
Quote: I suggested that instead of the need to feel wanted...how about making me feel wanted. Something that honestly I've always felt was missing...and didn't really understand why she acted that way towards me until this talk. Essentially...if you want something, then you need to give it. That way you're being expressive and not just hoping to be on the receiving end.
The first part of your paragraph doesn't sit right with me. Are you saying that INSTEAD of you showing desire to her she should instead concentrate on showing it to you? Why does it have to be one or the other? What is wrong with mutually showing it or having one or the other showing it? Or, are you saying that she NEVER showed her desire to you but rather sat back and waited for you to fail to show it to her? If you are wondering how I could 'nail' your situation so accurately with that last sentence well, lemme tell ya, I was your wife at one time and I still am at times. (shame on me, I know)
Were there times when she would show it? I am good about showing it after we are already underway with ML but I have a very hard time putting my desire on the table first, with him. Mostly because I am all too aware that he doesn't want me as much as I want him and so I feel foolish for pursuing him.
BUT!!! You are right. That does not absolve me or your dear W from showing desire and fully participating in that aspect of the R. Grr, I hate when people remind me of the ways that I need to step up to the plate.
Good luck with the weekend and by all means keep staying positive. I am amazed at how quickly you are drawing her back to you.
