Quote: I am under the impression that their are quite a few HD/LD couples in the world. HD people are normal. LD people are normal too.
Since the probability of a husband and wife having exactly the same sex drive(if it could be perfectly quantified) would be very small, I will grant that most couples are HD/LD. I read somewhere that the average woman claims to want sex once a week and the average man claims to want sex 3x a week. Therefore, in some crude sense sex drive might be considered a binodal distribution, or more accurately it might look like a binodal distribution if you were to overlay the normal curve of female desire on the normal curve of male desire. However, it is also widely reported that the average sexual frequency of married couples is 2x a week, which leads me to believe that in many if not most marriages, some reasonable compromise has been achieved. The conventional wisdom is that most men have a sex drive somewhat, but not unreasonably higher than that of their wives. Though there is good reason to question the reliability of data gathered to measure sex drive, the statistics are a good match with the conventional wisdom on the subject and therefore I am inclined to accept them as largely accurate. However, I am willing to concede that perhaps the function of female desire has a weak binodal distribution itself. There does seem to be evidence that women are more likely to be pretty much hot or pretty much cold. Even though I have a LDH, I don't believe this to be the case with men. Both HP and I have conceded that in another relationship our H's might be a good match or even the HD partner. Though he wasn't having sex with me, my H probably was masturbating enough to put his purely physical desire maybe just a standard deviation away from the norm and it wasn't like he would go forever without approaching me, it just took so long and was so unreliable it made me crazy.
Quote: Casting low desire as a pathology is another trap, IMHO. It allows the LD spouse to claim physiological disability, and removes choice as a consideration.
Just because something is "abnormal" doesn't make it a pathology. Even if it is a pathology, that doesn't mean that it is a pathology with no cure. For instance, both you and I have recently been successful in losing some weight. As I'm sure you know the odds of successfully losing weight and keeping it off over time are pretty slim. Still it can be done and some people manage to do it, even people for whom their genetic makeup and habits of a lifetime make this a difficult task. Being overweight is a pathology, but it is one that can be overcome. I think it is possible that extreme LD might be a similar condition to morbid obesity, partially genetic, partially due to life history and partially due to the stresses and emotional character of someone's current life situation. As long as the morbidly obese person is able to look him/herself in the mirror and tell themselves "I'm just pleasantly plump" or "I was born to be fat. There is nothing I can do." weight loss will not occur. IMO following the PM method is the equivalent of consistently and lovingly tellingly your morbidly obese spouse "You are morbidly obese and I am not happy being married to someone who is morbidly obese, because I would like to be able to engage in physical activities with my spouse and I would like to have a spouse who cares enough to want to appeal to me physically. I can not believe that you are happy with the current situation yourself and I truly believe you could lose some weight if you care about yourself and our relationship. I will do everything possible to support your efforts, but I will no longer stand by and encourage this behavior with my silence or denial."
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
