Can you truly love a ND Spouse?

[SolidMechanic]

I have been reading the posts on this board for some time and I am trying to figure out if a HD spouse can really love a ND Spouse - particularly a ND spouse that firmly believes that it is perfectly acceptable to be ND. Where the HD spouse should merely accept the LD for what they are - ie leave them alone physically and carry on with a normal loving, caring and fully sharing relationship in every other way.
I have been given this strong message from my ND spouse and she is totally resentful that I would want her to be anything other than what she is - just accept and be happy. Is this really possible and if so how do you get to that happy place?

Monk

Here is something ironic in my own feelings. For years I tolerated no sex in my marriage, but I was pissed at my wife for not loving me. Since I have taken a stand recently, I find that I love my wife much more. And I know she loves me too. We are just really crappy at loving each other in ways that are meaningful to each other. I love my wife, we don't have sex, and I won't accept not having sex. If this seems contradictory, well, it feels OK for me right now.

At some point our marriage is going to improve or it won't. At some point, if the marriage doesn't improve, I will have to choose acceptance or divorce. Acceptance is not tolerance.

I've seen tons of men who are in their 50's and are just bitter and defeated. They are walking casualties of life. Most of these guys point to their job frustrations and complain about their employers or the stupid unqualified jerks that got promoted over them. Now I wonder how many of them are bitter about their home lives as well.

When I met my father-in-law, he was just this type of man. He was impossible to talk to, he was taciturn, he was ornery, and he was unhealthy. He didn't just have frustrated career ambitions, but it was obvious that he had a NS marriage because of the separate sleeping arrangement he had had with his wife for years. Considering his interest in erotic literature, it was obvious he wasn't happy with his NS marriage, either. After some years, though, I could see him let go of the anger and gain a level of acceptance. And he actually recovered from heart failure to live another 25 years.

So I have a role model of acceptance. I also have my own father to look at, who tolerated his condition, but has never accepted it. Which is one more reason why I am here on this bored.

SM