Quote: Seriously, do you mean to imply that on any given evening, if your spouse doesn't want to have sex with you, you should just go out and get some?
If your spouse doesn't care and it's not in violation of your moral code, why not? I just use this example from PM because it illustrates that clearly most of our LD spouses understand that sex is important and not something to be taken lightly or they wouldn't care if we were to do this. I didn't come up with this on my own, Schnarch uses it as an example of differentiated behavior in his book. In the example he gives, the H does follow his wife to the bar and she doesn't actually have to consider having sex with someone else, but I don't think Schnarch is promoting dishonest, manipulative behavior, therefore the clear implication is that it would be differentiated of the wife to consider having sex with someone else at the bar if her husband won't oblige. I think this sort of bold move might be necessary with someone like my H whose LD problem is that he is oppositional. Everything I've done so far to let him know that I intend to have a sex life whether or not he wants one, has caused major improvements in our relationship. I know this seems counter-intuitive, but in my sich it works. As I stated on another thread, my H frequently seems to not want to have sex with me simply because I do want to have sex with him. By letting him know that my need for sex is a constant, but my need for sex with HIM might be a variable, I actually take away his feeling of "opposition" and increase his desire.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
