Can you truly love a ND Spouse?

[MJontheMend]

My question is - is it possible, as a normal desire spouse, to truly accept your ND spouse though the remainder of your marriage? What can the normal desire spouse do to drastically reduce the emphasis that you tend to place on the absence of intimacy in your life? Can you intellectually deal with this issue in a truly happy and accepting way or are the base instincts too difficult to overcome? Am I destined to be unhappy for the balance of this relationship?

I asked myself this question many times over the years. I tried to find ways in which I could answer "yes" because I wanted it to be possible. Finally, I had to admit that for me it wasn't possible. My last attempt to try to adjust and ignore my own drives sent me into what I realize now was a profound depression. I realized that although I could probably hold out a few more years in a SSM, I was almost certainly going to be a WAW as soon as my kids left home. This board, SSM and PM gave me hope for my marriage because they gave me hope that by changing myself I could increase the passion in my marriage. I truly believe that for me there was nothing that would have resigned me to my former situation. I could continue loving my LDH, but I couldn't deny or repress my HD nature without damaging my mental health. I felt as I neared midlife that I might have to give up my marriage in order to have any chance of quality of life as I aged in much the same way that many people realize that they have to quit drinking or smoking. But that's me. Perhaps you're made of sturdier stuff. I wish you happiness in whatever form you can find it.