I don't believe my spouse resents that I have desire (I would be more a "normal" desire spouse than HD). Anyway, I believe she resents that I can not fully accept her ND state - and as hard as I try, I really do feel empty without any physical contact.
Her discussion goes along these lines and which I have grown to accept respresent her unchangeable point of view: "If you have touch needs, you should participate on your own - I really don't want to have to be involved anymore. Why can you not understand me and just leave me alone physically? Why do I have to change? Why should I feel like I'm broken and need to be fixed? You'r the one with a problem because you can't accept my current state. You just don't get it - I don't want to have sex anymore. I can't help it. In those occassions we are intimate, it is merely because I am trying to please you and you should love me all the more for making this effort for you".
My question is - is it possible, as a normal desire spouse, to truly accept your ND spouse though the remainder of your marriage? What can the normal desire spouse do to drastically reduce the emphasis that you tend to place on the absence of intimacy in your life? Can you intellectually deal with this issue in a truly happy and accepting way or are the base instincts too difficult to overcome? Am I destined to be unhappy for the balance of this relationship?
