One of the girls here just got a beautiful flower arrangement. Last year I didn't work on my birthday as I knew it would be the first year since I have known CHL that I didn't get flowers for my birthday.
My birthday isn't till Sunday but in the past he would usually have the flowers delivered to work if b-day was on a weekend.
Just all a part of being single and adjusting.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Quote: Plus, I wonder why he wants to stay friends if he hasn't forgiven me for stuff during the marriage?
Is he just saying that so I will be easier to work with on the house?
Pam - I think he just tells people what they want to hear so he won't have to deal with the consequences of his choices. He's a weenie. He wasn't man enough to tell you he was having an affair, wasn't man enough to tell you he was going through with the divorce, and isn't man enough now to point out to you that friendship with him while he is with J is probably not going to happen. And he hasn't treated you like a friend would. He'll tell himself he's just trying to spare you pain, but the truth is, he's just trying to spare HIMSELF the pain of seeing how much he has hurt you.
You deserve better friends. He hurt you a lot by giving you hope when he had no intention of working on the R - by coming on the boards here when he was still continuing his affair with J. He's not a man. He's a weenie. And he's NOT your friend - you deserve better friends, who treat you with respect, who tell you the truth even if it is uncomfortable, who own up to their own part in things.
It looks like you are struggling with trusting him.
In my opinion, trust has to be earned. No reason you have to trust him.
Can you treat him like a friend who (I have one who does this a lot...)sets up a date/time with you and 9 x's out of 10, the day before we are supposed to hang out together, she cancels on me.
Now, I know that when we set up a date that she most likely will cancel. I try to always have a back up plan.
Can you do the same thing? Just make sure to have a good back up plan to whatever he has committed to?
In any case...let's put the focus back where it belongs....YOU and your FUTURE HOME!
Pam, Print out Ellie's post. Keep it where you can you look at it every time you start getting down thinking about CHL. I see your ex, my H and a slew of other spouses described in her post.
Ellie, beautifully put!
When you can't make a decision because you are torn between your heart and your head, listen to the half with the brain.
Just been so emotional feeling all day today. I think part of it is not much sleep and still emotional over getting the papers and then realtor crap.
Today was B's appointment at the vet for x-rays. One sinus doesn't look good. He took a culture and we should hear something either tomorrow or Monday.
CHL apparently decided to get a jab in today.
He was in the house and left the check for $4000.00 and under memo he wrote divorce settlement. Like I wouldn't know what it was for or realize that I am divorced now.
I guess he didn't really want to be friends. He sort of acted like he did. But I have called him since B and I were at the vet and he is back to ignoring me.
This past few days he has returned phone calls really well.
He left a card with a dog on it on my desk that said Happy B-day David. I think that is the first card I ever got from him with his name on it. He always just signed, "Just in Case..." I guess J gets her cards signed that way now.
He also left a bag of chocolates on my desk.
All of this was there when I came home to get B to go to the vet. So I spent the drive to the vet crying.
Will he NEVER feel he has made me pay enough for what he feels I did to him during our marriage???????
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I just don't know why I am so emotional today. On the other hand I guess I should expect to still be dealing with emotions from this crap and I need to get a better handle on them.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
As I put a little more time between me and the divorce will I get better? Surely I will, I hate it when I get this emotional and I have discovered I really and truly do NOT think very rational when I am that way.
So what will it take to remind myself of that when I am in the middle of an emotional non thinking episode?
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
So I let the emotions run, played the victim and when I do that I am NEVER in control, choosing not to be, not sure why. I guess why isn't as important as changing the behaviour.
Now I'm exhausted. This sucks and I do it to myself!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
You hit it on the head. You do it to yourself. Now that you have put that in writing, remember it. Yes, just like any other painful time in our lives, the more time that passes, the less it hurts.
So, how is the organizing for the move going??? You have plenty to keep you busy!!
When you can't make a decision because you are torn between your heart and your head, listen to the half with the brain.
This sucks and I do it to myself! 
