Building Life & Friendships

[psluke]

Hi Pattie,

Thanks for dropping in.

[psluke]

Hi Pam,

Yes, I know what to do most of the time it is just sometimes I don't do it very well.

[psluke]

I don't think I'm sure in some ways how to build a friendship with CHL again.

I mean there are trust issues for me.

I don't think he thinks he has held the A and going to court over my head for the past year but I definitely feel he has done so.

I feel he has lied to me a lot. I would guess he doesn't feel he has lied just omitted to tell me things.

So now I find when he tells me something or gives me an answer that in the past would have been a run around answer that I have trouble being sure I trust him.

Plus, I wonder why he wants to stay friends if he hasn't forgiven me for stuff during the marriage?

Is he just saying that so I will be easier to work with on the house?

Or am I totally paranoid after this past 2 and half years of questioning everything?????

[MovinOn]

Pam,
Maybe CHL wants to be friends cause it's a guys way of staying in touch. Just a thought!

[psluke]

Hi Pattie,

It is just to me I feel like to be friends we are going to have to deal with some of the same stuff we would have had to deal with if we stayed married. Does that make sense?

[MovinOn]

Yes, but that will come about in time. Just imagine sitting on the curb with your best buddy, talking about nothing and some subject of regret or importance comes up. You don't eat your friend just cause you don't likewhat they say or do. Albeit, the point is there has to be trust between people before you can discuss the issues.

[psluke]

You know it hurt a bit yesterday when he looked at me and said the place looks like h*ll.

I know the place looks bad. It has saddened me to see it running down. But last year I spent quit a bit of money trying to keep it up. Plus I have done a lot on the inside.


He has barely seen the place let alone done anything towards upkeep in the past year. I realize it is me feeling this way and he probably didn't mean anything by it, but I feel he was blaming me for the place looking bad.

[MovinOn]

Pam,
I would have had a hard time NOT saying something about how his help was needed in the upkeep.

I'm in a similar position. Though, I'm lucky that my son does so much around the house. I've had 7 years of H not lifting a finger.

[psluke]

I guess that is what I don't understand. He wasn't willing to work on stuff to stay married. So why would he want to work on anything to stay friends?

Now he has his divorce and he is free, he says he hasn't forgiven me, so I just don't see where he makes sense here.

[psluke]

What I need to do:

Drop some ropes and SLOOOW down. Patience!!!!

Can't rebuild overnight just because it isn't a marriage and is a friendship instead. Lot of the same principles are going to apply.