Quote: The kind of trust where I can say "I know he will be faithful" I don't have that anymore. I wish I did.
I hear you here - but you know what? Back when we DID have that faith - we were living in a fantasy world. It's kind of like believing "I know he wouldn't get run over by a truck". Wishing and believing doesn't make the risks any less real.
Still - I do think that your reassurance-seeking could backfire on you, and that Acting As If is a much better approach. Also, maybe make some really concrete plans about how you will stay in touch while he's gone. Will he have internet access or be gone in the field?
Also - and I know this is hard - try to keep a little unconditional love perspective. He is, after all, going to a hellish place to risk his life. Think about everything you say to him and every impression you leave with him as if it might be your last. Would you want to remember picking at him about whether he would cheat again, or would you want to remember spending every moment of quality time you had making him feel loved?
