Quote: I think the reason I don't have a crush on any of the HDM on the board(besides the fact that we are all semi-happily married) is that none of you are in a relationship with a woman as HD as me. As much as I think a certain core component of HD is innate, I still kind of believe that most guys would end up relatively LD to me in the long run in one way or another. For instance, some HD men would have no initial attraction to me, some would find they were only attracted to LD women in the long run, some would become LD once certain fantasies had been indulged, some would become LD after a certain number of encounters with the same woman over a given period of time, some would become LD once they started worrying about keeping up with me, some would stay HD but find that they craved new partners once a certain jadedness set in and therefore would be LD towards me.
This sounds a little like rationalizing to me. If you met a HD man and things got stale after awhile, wouldn't you hand him a copy of PM? Maybe he would get ideas about how to keep things passionate, without needing to constantly be prodded or coddled. Still, I think it is good for all of us to recognize that the grass always looks greener.
Personally I part ways with BarneyFife's notion that all that I would need to be happy is a HDW. Here is what I would look for if I was looking again (in no particular order): 1) Someone who is secure and confident. 2) Someone who is my intellectual equal, or superior, for that matter. 3) Someone with a good sense of humor. 4) Someone whose political leanings were not too far from mine. 5) Someone with a talent. 6) Someone with similar spending habits to mine. 7) Someone who is reasonably attractive. The bar is not high on this one, and more important, she should feel OK with her own appearance (see 1). 8) Someone who is easy-going. 9) Someone who is warm and affectionate. 10) Someone who likes making love. Not that I am looking.
I can't say what frequency of fornicating I fancy, since I've never gotten anywhere close to what I imagine I would like. If my partner wanted to ML every day, I would do my darndest to keep up. If my partner only wanted to ML once or twice a week, I would probably adapt. After all, Mojo, as you point out, HD is relative to your partner. If you only want sex 1/mo. but your partner only wants it 1/yr., then you are a HDS.
Quote: Why don't you tell your wife "Honey, I want you to put all your energy into developing yourself sexually so I am going to hire a housekeeper, cook and nanny. Please indulge any sensual or social urge you might have if it helps you to relax and feel more sexual. I have purchased a hot tub and a chaise longue and arranged for a daily massage. Please let me know if there is anything else I might provide. I stand ready to serve. Your pleasure is my only goal."
With Barney doing all that work, his wife may end up doing the masseur.
Regards,
SM
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
Quote: If a HDM said that, you gals would label him an egotistical braggart and think, "One night with me and I'd leave him begging for mercy, thinking it was going to fall off!" And IMO, you'd be right on both counts.
I guess I wasn't expressing myself clearly. I should have said "My fear is that most men would end up relatively HD to me in the long run.". I didn't mean this as a frequency/endurance challenge, though perhaps I'm being a bit sexist because what I am implying is that perhaps in the long run the fact that I am HD would be the thing that would make a guy LD. You guys are all in relationships in which decent sex is scarce and "valuable", like a diamond. For any guy in a relationship with me, sex would be something readily available(perhaps even flooding the market ) and "cheap", like feed corn. For instance, a simple blowjob seems like an unattainable fantasy to you. Even in one of my rare unhorny moods, I would consider a request for a blowjob as less of an imposition than a request for an ironed shirt, for example. You might find yourself having laundry fantasies, rather than sexual fantasies if you were married to me.
Quote: Maybe you've never encountered a REAL HDM. Perhaps the others you've known were just hormonally charged due to their youth.
Maybe you're right. I never lived with any of my youthful lovers and my longest relationship before marriage was with a guy who I think was LD relative to me (I was shy about initiating so I can't say for sure). It's hard to judge relative drive when sex isn't freely accessible for other reasons like you live with your parents or you have 2 roommates or you're unsure about your level of committment to a relationship etc.
Quote: Perhaps you've never met your sexual match, and if you did, you'd begin making excuses for not having sex.
I might start giving "reasons" for not having sex, but I would never make "excuses" for not having sex. I might say "I am too sore to do x. Do you want to do y?" or "I am completely exhausted. I can't keep my eyes open. Let me sleep for a few hours and then I'll be ready again." or "We've been doing too much x. I'm getting bored with it. How about we get in the car and do z at the q." or "If you want me to be in the mood for sex, you must take off that velour shirt.".
Quote: Actually, you've posted that you don't want sex every day. (Speaking for myself, that was a real WTF moment. ) NOP is currently on a 28 for 30 streak, I believe. Maybe he's too much for you.
I've never come close to having sex every day over a 30 day period, so I can't really say for sure where my limit lies. When I said that I didn't want sex every day, I meant that I foresaw a certain routine, repetitiveness with a once a day schedule and if I were going to have sex 7 times a week, I would prefer some variety like 3x on Sunday and none on Wednesday. I definitely wouldn't want just the same exact sex act at the same time every day. However, if I was with a guy who was as consistently horny for me as NOP is for his wife, I would probably be happy to do something fairly routine every morning as long as I could count on getting attacked in an elevator(for example) fairly often too. If I found that I had to tease my imaginary HDH by skipping the morning routine in order to get attacked in the elevator later, then I guess I would turn him down sometimes, but it would be more of a request for variety/quality/passion than an actual protest against frequency.
Quote: I think a true HDM would perceive your statement as a challenge to see who cried "uncle".
Clearly, you don't have much experience with HDW if you wouldn't immediately concede that in the course of any given day, the HDM would definitely have to cry "uncle". The purely physical recovery time of an HD woman is much shorter. I have never actually tested myself to see how many times I could orgasm in a 24 hour period, but I would guess, given adequate lubrication and if I rested up and drank Gatorade in between sessions, 12x would be quite possible. My actual non-contest oriented physical/mental/emotional drive is of course MUCH less than this and I would need a LONG recovery time after a day like that.
If the contest was more along the lines of who would be less interested in a daily session in missionary position after Day 10 then I'm sure that I would be the one to cry "uncle" because my interest/arousal would require a bit of novelty in order to want to do it everyday unless I were to fall back to the LDW mode of "just doing it" and waiting for actual physical stimulation in order to be aroused.
On the other hand, I just had sex yesterday morning and I would liketo have sex again this morning. My long term deficit makes it difficult for me to guage my true arousal cycle.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Quote: My long term deficit makes it difficult for me to guage my true arousal cycle.
I think I once said much the same thing. When I'm not getting any, I want it all the time. I've never been in a position where I could get it any time I wanted it, so I really can't judge how often I would want it in that kind of sitch. I wouldn't mind having the chance to find out though.
Quote: Even in one of my rare unhorny moods, I would consider a request for a blowjob as less of an imposition than a request for an ironed shirt, for example.
Oh my.
Uh, Mojo, would you mind coming to Missouri and helping me do some ironing? I've got some wrinkles that need some heat, and my old iron hasn't had a good head of steam on it for about five years.
Hairdog - who could go on and on, but will spare you.
Quote: Why don't you tell your wife "Honey, I want you to put all your energy into developing yourself sexually so I am going to hire a housekeeper, cook and nanny. Please indulge any sensual or social urge you might have if it helps you to relax and feel more sexual. I have purchased a hot tub and a chaise longue and arranged for a daily massage. Please let me know if there is anything else I might provide. I stand ready to serve. Your pleasure is my only goal."
PREDICTED LD WIFE RESPONSE: "Why are you putting so much PRESSURE on me?"
Choc., who when he asks for sex is putting "pressure" on his W, and when he DOESN'T ask for sex is putting "pressure" on his W because she knows that he wants it.
Hear, hear, chocolateeyes. Pressure pressure pressure pressure, etc. And don't forget, "if you're going to spend that much money just to have sex with me, why don't you spend a little bit less and just go out and meet a prostitute?"
Quote: Hear, hear, chocolateeyes. Pressure pressure pressure pressure, etc. And don't forget, "if you're going to spend that much money just to have sex with me, why don't you spend a little bit less and just go out and meet a prostitute?"
Has your wife actually suggested a prostitute? This is one of the LDW things that I just can't possibly comprehend.
I heard a bit of a "lewd" radio talk show yesterday morning. A local minor politician who is married to a minor local celebrity had been arrested after soliciting a prostitute. The 'lewd" talk show hosts thought it was hilarious that he had paid the prostitute to let him perform oral sex on her. My immediate thought was that his wife must be LD and he was just desperate to see a woman actually experiencing pleasure during sex.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Mojo: Actual transcript of a conversation my wife and I had about two years ago: W: If you're thinking of having an affair, I wish you would talk to me beforehand. Me: I'm not thinking of having an affair with anyone. (pause) But if I were, what would you say? W: I'd be mad, because you would be putting me at risk for STDs. I guess I'd understand it better if it were with a prostitute. Going to a prostitute is more like just masturbating, just doing it into someone. Me: I don't agree, and I'm really bothered by your attitude. I would be crushed if you had an affair, or if you paid someone to have sex with you. W: Why? Me: Because my idea of marriage is that I chose you to love and to be the only one with whom I would share my sexuality, til death do us part. W: I guess I don't feel that same way. It's your money...if you want to use a prostitute, that's fine.
(Taken from notes I took on November 30, 2002, the morning after this conversation)
Since then, I actually asked her again if she meant what she said about the prostitute. She said I was free to hire a prostitute, but she thought it was some sort of emotional cop-out, and that it would keep me from confronting the real reasons I think sex is so important. Which is, apparently to her, that I am obsessed with it.
Where is the contest to be held? I think that we could tape a counter to our hips and each time we came, clicked off another one... Of course for accuracy, having an impartial person verifying the actual numbers might make for an even higher rate...
It might be tricky to find a good venue for this challenge. Might I suggest the Sybaris hotel complex that has fantasy rooms and a toystore on site? That way, if there is something that is needed to keep the momentum going, just a quick pop out the door to the toystore....
I have had HD lovers in the past where daily sex was the norm, often more than once a day and it was heaven. I kept in shape with my favorite activity and would like to do that all over again..... I need a new exercise routine....
Quote: Mojo: Actual transcript of a conversation my wife and I had about two years ago: W: If you're thinking of having an affair, I wish you would talk to me beforehand. Me: I'm not thinking of having an affair with anyone. (pause) But if I were, what would you say? W: I'd be mad, because you would be putting me at risk for STDs. I guess I'd understand it better if it were with a prostitute. Going to a prostitute is more like just masturbating, just doing it into someone. Me: I don't agree, and I'm really bothered by your attitude. I would be crushed if you had an affair, or if you paid someone to have sex with you. W: Why? Me: Because my idea of marriage is that I chose you to love and to be the only one with whom I would share my sexuality, til death do us part. W: I guess I don't feel that same way. It's your money...if you want to use a prostitute, that's fine.
(Taken from notes I took on November 30, 2002, the morning after this conversation)
Since then, I actually asked her again if she meant what she said about the prostitute. She said I was free to hire a prostitute, but she thought it was some sort of emotional cop-out, and that it would keep me from confronting the real reasons I think sex is so important. Which is, apparently to her, that I am obsessed with it.
True story.
Hairdog (sorry about the hijack)
UNBELIEVABLE... I don't even know what to say . . .
) and "cheap", like feed corn. For instance, a simple blowjob seems like an unattainable fantasy to you. Even in one of my rare unhorny moods, I would consider a request for a blowjob as less of an imposition than a request for an ironed shirt, for example. You might find yourself having laundry fantasies, rather than sexual fantasies if you were married to me.
