Vacation Break

[barneyfife]

Well, I'm feeling guilty for hijacking other's threads so I decided to make one of my own. (Don't get me wrong, I still intend to hijack at will. )

Vacation in Mexico was very nice. Sleeping arrangements aren't conducive to sex (2 DBL beds in one room) so there wasn't any. But that was no surprise and I wasn't expecting any.

I had a great time with my kids. W and I mostly talk about them, so things were cordial but not close. She complained about it a few times, but there doesn't seem to be any EC to work from.

I realize that I'm still hurt about the duration of our SSM. Although she's apologized, it's been treated in a "get over it" manner. I'm the John Wayne, "you can't hurt me" type so perhaps it's expected of me, but I haven't gotten over it. I've explained it until my W has pleaded with me not to bring it up again, so there's nowhere else to go for resolution.

I see other couples interacting and enjoying each other's company instead of having to jump through hoops to get civil behavior and it just pisses me off. (Of course, I assume it's because they're having wild monkey sex every night of their M lives. ) I see other slob Hs get treated well by their physically fit Ws and it just makes me wonder what in the world is going on.

I've come to understand that it's never going to be what I dreamed it would be. We'll blame that one on the wrong dream. So, I'll continue to do what I can to make things better without losing respect for myself again. It's clear now that the changes of last month weren't about me. I'm just the spotlight for my W's life, necessary for the story to unfold, but not a character role.

Mike - CeMar lite

[InherJourney]

I've come to understand that it's never going to be what I dreamed it would be. We'll blame that one on the wrong dream. So, I'll continue to do what I can to make things better without losing respect for myself again. It's clear now that the changes of last month weren't about me. I'm just the spotlight for my W's life, necessary for the story to unfold, but not a character role.

Mike,
The last post i read from you mentioned that your W was making an effort to ML every few days, so that the dark clouds wouldn't roll in, or something to that effect. You seemed very happy...what happened?
Journey

[barneyfife]

IHJ,

I moved this over from another thread to answer your question. You may have already seen it, but I didn't want you to think that I was ignoring you.
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I'm tired of having to jump through hoops so that I'll be treated in a civil manner at home. I'm tired of being emotionally manipulated so that we can have some peace. (Even my kids see and comment to me about this, btw.) I'm tired of trying to be someone else so my W will act like she likes me. And I'm tired of being controlled. This last month's change was just another face on it. Sex when she says and how she wants it so I can't claim she's withholding. (Fine, she wins!)
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I was too simplistic in my description of our lives. If our life is a play, I'm the producer/trophy H. My job is to provide the money, keep the spotlight on her, run the applause sign, and handle the PR work to insure her good reviews. She's the star and the director of the one woman show.

Actually, nothing has changed. I just got sucked into the behavior. It had been so long since I saw it last, I just forgot what Act 3 looks like.

Mike

[MJontheMend]

I was too simplistic in my description of our lives. If our life is a play, I'm the producer/trophy H. My job is to provide the money, keep the spotlight on her, run the applause sign, and handle the PR work to insure her good reviews. She's the star and the director of the one woman show.

I'm not sure how unusual this is. I think there are a lot of households that are run under the "If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" philosophy. Of course, nobody in my household seems to have learned this philosophy.

Sex when she says and how she wants it so I can't claim she's withholding. (Fine, she wins!)

What do you mean by this? Is ahe only willing to do it in the missionary position at 10 pm on Saturday?

[barneyfife]

I stated:
Sex when she says and how she wants it so I can't claim she's withholding. (Fine, she wins!)

MM asked:
What do you mean by this? Is ahe only willing to do it in the missionary position at 10 pm on Saturday?
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I mean that she's always been in control of sex. I asked/initiated and was refused so I quit asking. I still don't ask or initiate. (Please don't ask me why not. It wouldn't work.) Sex is whenever she comes to me and starts it. Positions have varied a little in the last year. (I get to stand up at the side of the bed now, a 33% increase in total allowable positions.)

There is this "air" that surrounds our recent sexual encounters that it's less about sex/passion/love (or me) than about her "doing what she's supposed to do." I tried to ignore it at first, but there is definitely something there. And since she's always the initiator, she's more "involved" than me. Ergo, "she wins". I don't care to fight about it anymore.

Mike - who will never "do" or "be done" by his W

[MJontheMend]

I get to stand up at the side of the bed now, a 33% increase in total allowable positions.)

I still don't get it. How does she let you know which positions are allowed? Why can't you just flip her into a different position? My H does this all the time. Of course, he knows that I won't object. I have a hard enough time trying to understand a low frequency LD like my H. I really can't understand the low variety LDs.

[barneyfife]

Quote:
Of course, he knows that I won't object.
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Ah, you are now becoming a wise warrior princess. Maybe I should ask you why you don't just F*** Mr. Wilson when he comes home for the weekend whether he has the sniffles or not.

I don't understand the LDH in any form. Much less can I expect to understand the variations of the LDW.

Mike - with big, strong, unused "flippers"

[SolidMechanic]

Dear Barn,

There is this "air" that surrounds our recent sexual encounters that it's less about sex/passion/love (or me) than about her "doing what she's supposed to do." I tried to ignore it at first, but there is definitely something there. And since she's always the initiator, she's more "involved" than me. Ergo, "she wins". I don't care to fight about it anymore.

Take this with a grain of salt. Hell, take with the whole Morton salt mine, considering it is coming from someone who hasn't gotten layed since '97. I know your sexual encounters are infrequent. But are you sure you want to accept mercy f**ks? One thing I perversely admire about my wife is that I know she wouldn't have sex with me out of pity or just to try to shut me up. On this issue she has integrity.

Hell, if I was offered a mercy f**k, I might take it. But I hope I would refuse. I want way more than sex.

SM

[MJontheMend]

Maybe I should ask you why you don't just F*** Mr. Wilson when he comes home for the weekend whether he has the sniffles or not.

Actually, that's not a bad question. I guess my first answer would be to make the obvious point that you can't f*ck a guy who doesn't have a hard-on. But maybe I should say something like "Well I'm really horny and I'd like to be close to you, so I'm just going to cuddle up close and MB.".

[MJontheMend]

But are you sure you want to accept mercy f**ks? One thing I perversely admire about my wife is that I know she wouldn't have sex with me out of pity or just to try to shut me up. On this issue she has integrity.

Hell, if I was offered a mercy f**k, I might take it. But I hope I would refuse. I want way more than sex.

I think there is more than one variety of "mercy f*ck" from the woman's point of view. In my current relationship, I am unfortunately the pursuer/initiator most of the time. When I was young and single, this was rarely the case and I would have to plead guilty to giving the occasional "mercy [censored]". My motivation for doing this would be that I felt a certain empathy for their hornyness, rather than that I felt particularly horny myself.

The best analogy I can offer for the different ways a woman might give you a "mercy [censored]" is as follows. If a child came up to a woman and said "I'm hungry" depending on their relationship and her emotional state, she could respond in a number of ways. If she was hungry too, the two of them might go eat a meal together. If she wasn't hungry, but was feeling loving or just kind, she would feel empathy for the child's hunger and be emotionally motivated to fix it something to eat. If she was feeling anxious or harassed, she might be a bit gruff with the child and maybe just slap together an unappealing snack. Of course if she was feeling alienated or like there wasn't any food in the kitchen or like the kid should be on a diet or she had never experienced hunger herself, then the kid wouldn't get fed at all.

Of course for HD me the occasional "mercy f*ck" I offered rarely stayed in that mode for long, because I'm the kind of women who is bound to start nibbling herself if she starts making food for anyone. The interesting thing is that because I was so HD myself and also very likely to feel inclined to be "nice" to men who were sexually aroused, I was forced to be pretty reserved or even "b*tchy" in any initial encounters with a man, so I probably seemed very LD superficially.