Quote: Regarding your concern over "quick thinking". You shouldn't worry about it unless you plan on lying. A good C won't put you in a place where you would hurt yourself. And if you say something wrong, the counselor will probably watching the non-verbals of your spouse and learn more about your spouse in the process. I saw this happen today...she was examining our non-verbals as the other person talked...very cool process. But the problem I see is this...you might get a crappy counselor who doesn't know how to do this. My last one was terrible and voyeuristic. She set me up to get in trouble after the session by asking me what I thought my W's issues were. I just didn't know what to look for in my first counselor.
Yeah, well, lying is just a defense mechanism, right? My W could lie at the C, and I'd never know it. I guess I could too, although I wouldn't on purpose. Our last C (April 2004) was horrible with his "reading" the non-verbals. We never went back after the EAP "3 sessions for free" were over. That one bad experience is making me hesitate now.
I will have to call around and ask if any of them have heard of Schnarch (my personal psychologist had NEVER heard of Schnarch or his books - she hadn't heard of Michele or the SSM book either). I like the "no BS" policy, and I think that's what my W and I need as well.
