My W and I went to a new C today and wow...we both got a great vibe from her. My W was extremely irritated about going today and claimed "I'm just doing for you". By the end of the session, the C asked my W "would you like to come back?" And my W replied "yes" to my surprise. I reacted and the C said..."why are you surprised?"...I said "because she can't stand this stuff". C said "you're W just did a great job at making a decision for herself and you weren't comfortable the reaction so you tried to push her back down...you are the Schnarch superfan, does this pattern remind you of anything in PM?". Holy Crap!!!! Now THATS the kind of C I've been looking for...one who can turn my own B.S. right back on me.
This was exactly why I was motivated to see a new C...to validate my current "thinking" to make certain that I wasn't doing a major mind-f on myself. Last week's episode made me realize that maybe I was "missing" a piece of the puzzle. I shared this with her and she said that my thinking is "ok" and that I seem to understand the principles of PM correctly but that my approach is too "isolationist". Of course she's not going say "you don't need me", but I got the sense that *some* things need to be mediated by a pro and I was happy to see how fast things were going within one session.
In general, it was very exciting to see someone with the brains and the balls to run a session like I imagine Schnarch doing. She picked up on my W's tentativeness to disclose and hit her with a couple of "crucible" questions to get a better "read" on her. She challenged me with a few things as well. She had us each make appointments for individual sessions and yes, it's going to cost some $$$$. Folks, if a C refuses to work with managed plans (like EAP plans etc), then chances are, they have a lot confidence in their abilities and reputation.
She looked at our "roles" and how we have defined one another, and ourselves within those. She attributed my W's lack of desire stemming from the fact that I defined my role as a "money-maker-father" which sleeping with was "incestuous". And then she did the same thing with my W. She even mentioned a "whore-like" relationship to me but it came and went so fast, that I didn't understand it.
Anyway, I'm hesitant to get too excited about this because she could also be a master saleswoman who knows that I'm a Schnarch fan and played to it. But heck, my we liked her non-nonsense, no rambling, stay-focused approach.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
