One of the big problems about lack of sex is when you do have it, things happen TOO quickly, and for both of us. My wife will orgasam, and many times it does not last long enough, or it happens too quickly, and I get the impression that it was almost not worth the effort she put into it. Maybe HD's wife is similar. Then of course, since it takes so much effort for the short pleasure, they start to avoid doing it.
Quote: I know that HD people place far too much emphasis on the role of an orgasm in the resolution of sex problems...
I think the role of orgasm is important for women, because I think taking responsibility for her own orgasm is a critical step for a woman in terms of feeling ownership of her sexuality. If you just lay back in silence and wait for a man to bring you to orgasm or not, it's like you handed over the keys to your car, put yourself in the passenger seat and you are just hoping it will be a pleasant drive. Meanwhile the guy is driving a strange car around a strange town. He might have a pretty good idea of how to drive you to orgasm, just like he might have a pretty good idea of how to find a McDonalds in a strange town. Most towns have McDonalds and most women orgasm and both are generally to be found in a central, popular location. But how can he know what side roads he should take and how long should he keep driving around aimlessly in danger of running out of gas? A woman can take responsibility for her own orgasm either by giving some direction verbally, through body language or pre-verbal utterances or she can take over driving for a while by becoming more dominant in the encounter.
If HDs wife isn't interested in going to McDonalds, she's not going to give him good directions to get there and it is likely that he will run out of gas before he sees those golden arches.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Hairdog, I am so glad you got some tna! B & B's are great - I love them. I think I want to stay in one for our upcoming anniversary! You have inspired me! Hope that some more tna is coming your way! Denise
Wow, Denise...double good wishes. Thanks for them. Unfortunately, tonight, I am sleeping downstairs on the couch. W is pissed at me because I refuse to engage in an argument while she is being irrational. She wants to "get away" from my ex W and my "nutjob" kids. I took offense at that and hung up on her. Then she apologizes for calling them nutjobs but continues to threaten to leave me. (the basis of the argument is unimportant, but it was that she said something to DS13 which ended up being told to ex-W, who called me) Anyhoo...so when she says that she's got to get out of here, I'm saying, "okay, well, you gotta do what you gotta do." Usually, I'm all "oh no baby, we can work this out....etc." Today, I'd had enough. Tired of the threats, tired of playing the game her way.
So I came downstairs, carrying my pillow, and she said, "I would appreciate it if you would sleep downstairs." I just looked at her, "Why do you think I am carrying my pillow down there? I have no desire to sleep next to you tonight, either."
Ain't marriage grand?
Hairdog - dog tired at 12:10am, but still had to visit the board.
I'm not a big fan of Missouri wines, but every once in a while they make a good one.
FYI...AtlDave has gotten drunk on the lawn of the Hermanhoff winery when he attended college in central mo. Nothing like adding strawberry to make a wine sellable.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
Sorry to hear about the harshness in the the Hairdog household. I can understand your feelings though - I would not be amused if someone - anyone - let alone my spouse - catorigized my children as nutcases. I am very protective of my children - I can be the meanest woman on earth if someone bothers my little darlings.
Threats to leave really stink. My H used to constantly threaten to leave me when we were first married and he still will - part of it is just blowing off stream. I did call his bluff a couple of times and he caved in. Sometimes he still will open up his mouth and let uglies fly out that is totally Sears talk - he knows he is going to take it back. I try to never say anything that I will have to apologize for. Is this something that she does on a regular basis?
I would not want to sleep next to someone who said anything about my little darlings - I'd sleep on the couch too! I feel for your situation Hairdog - it bites. So does my computer at this moment. I need to send it to HP - the modem has issues! That is how I ended up sending two messages to you!
Obviously, the fact that you were previously married and came into this relationship dragging the baggage of children and an ex-wife is something your W has just not been able to process. Adolescent children aren't cute and cuddly and they are often just a PITA. To allow a teenager to get under your skin to the extent that you call them a "nutjob" is IMO just completely immature behavior. The fact that she said this to you, the child's parent, is completely rude and aggressive behavior. What is her deal? Are you still emotionally involved with your ex-wife and does she sense this?
I think you were wise to call her bluff on leaving. Perhaps, you can continue this strong stand and address your sexual issues also. As long as she's about to leave you for one thing beyond your control, having adolescent children, you might as well bring up the other issue beyond your control, wanting sex. Good Luck!
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
