Quote: WB: Yes, especially because she won't let me touch her after I'm done. I'm actually not sure of the last time she's had an O during ML with me.
Hairdog
Hairdoggie, excellent, excellent! Keep saying "I love you", maybe she will get the message. You know, I am the same way, once my H is done, its not as much fun for me. So we always make sure I go first. Just a thought.
Choc eyes...she should know by now that resistance is futile. She will be assimilated.
I hear you, brother. Sometimes I wonder if it's worth it, too. But then I say, yeah, it's worth it. It's not just about gettin' laid. It's about letting them know that you're not going to give up; that you intend to keep your integrity. And most of all, it's about feeling close to someone you love.
It all seems so simple. Here is the way it works. Your love language is phsical touch/sex. She must show most of her love via this love language. Her love language is qaulity time, and this is how you should show it to her. Now you can tell her this until you are blue in the face, and it just does not sink in. Now if us clueless guys can figure this out, why can not a women(the relationship experts) figure this out. It is apparent that your wife(like mine) looks DOWN upon people that need sex to get emotional connection. When she refers to "It was just sex", it is very apparent that she does not have a freakin clue as to how relationships work.
Have you sat down and asked her if she wants to build an emotional connection? Have you explained that your emotional connection mus come through physical touch? Have you explained to her that if she chooses to not connect with you in this way, that you will interpret this as to the level of commitment she has to you?
Anybody else got a good way of explaining to a LD woman how this emotional connection gets built via sex. It seems that a lot of LD women just can not understand how this works, no matter how you explain it to them. If a women says "It was only sex" that they don't have a freakin clue as to how relationships work.
I'm glad to hear it was a successful weekend. Your W clearly has some issues going on about sex but you will work through them if you keep at it. It's almost as if she has a Win/Loss sheet in her brain and any sex that happens is a L for her and a W for you.
Re: the orgasms, are you saying she never has em? What's up with that?
Quote: Have you explained to her that if she chooses to not connect with you in this way, that you will interpret this as to the level of commitment she has to you?
You know, my first answer to this was, "of course I have, although not in those words." Now, thinking about it, maybe I didn't explain this to her clearly enough. I give her a lot of credit for reading between the lines, understanding the way things work, etc., but perhaps on this issue she is intellectually retarded.
Hairdog, who knows CeMar can hit the bullseye every once in awhile, and appreciates it when he does.
HP, my W does indeed have orgasms, just not recently (over the past 2 years) with me during sex. I don't think she MBs very often, so my guess is that she doesn't have them very often. I know, why would anyone voluntarily give such a wonderful gift up?
Is she so bitter that she won't allow herself to get over the edge? Does it not last long enough?
What things turn her on in bed, do you know?
I know that HD people place far too much emphasis on the role of an orgasm in the resolution of sex problems....but honestly if you are having sex a couple times per year and she is not having an O, I would think this would color how she perceives the whole experience.
Does she have difficulty reaching orgasm, as a rule? If so I can certainly see why she would avoid it. Might seem to be more trouble than it's worth.
Sorry to throw so many ?'s at you, just found this interesting..
Take care and glad you had a good time! Was the BnB any good, btw?
Thanks for the questions...it will be difficult to ask her any of these, as she usually avoids talking about the specifics and mechanics of sex (no offense, Solidmechanic). It's worth a shot, though.
As for the b 'n' b, it was really nice. The rooms were pretty small, but the house was beautiful. Go see it at: this web page. The breakfasts were fantastic! I have also stayed here and it was also great.
Unfortunately, I can't afford to go to b&bs or hotels every time I want to ML with my W. Just need to convince her that it's okay to do this in our bedroom at home.
You know, it is funny...my H actually likes going to those places. Here he is the former Marine and he (secretly) likes B&B's. I have a spotty track record with them, though. I would usually drink too much and then fall asleep before sex. (I know! This coming from the HDW!!!!!!!!!) We would get wine and sit in the hot tub and pretty soon it was lights out for me. He was actually upset one time about the lackanookie. Even as I write that it seems weird to think that there was a time when he was concerned enough to care whether we did or not!
We have only stayed in one since our kids have been here and it was one of the nicest places I've ever stayed. This time it was, of course, H who crapped out and didn't want to play. Never again will Honeypot make that mistake of too much booze and heat in the tub!
Do you ever come as far as Hermann, MO? If so I will post a link to it. It was a beautiful place to stay. Too many wineries in that town...but I kept to my Moderation Pledge and imbibed the proper amount.
Just a thought.
