My D papers arrived in the mail yesterday (well, Saturday, but I was out of town). Luckily my best friend is visiting from Boston, as it was a very emotional moment.
...
Backtracking to last week:
I had a long talk with H2H last week, which convinced me to work on the friendship a while longer, as he's been seemingly more open and forthcoming lately, and I don't want to "punish" him when he's in that space (although part of me really feels like it!!! anger, hurt). So anyway, I sort of took back my "sign on the door" a couple of days before the D papers happened to arrive, and sent this on Thursday night:
Hi H,
Thanks for being understanding and respectful of my sudden outburst. Truthfully, I just have a lot going on right now and was feeling a bit drained and in need of some downtime for myself. It wasn't anything you did. I do want you to know that I appreciate that our talks are more open and honest these days. And I appreciated your support on the troubling [post Dad family issue]. I had a really good day, just got back from a GREAT two-day conference with [xxxxx] people from all over the country. Boy, I want to work for the [xxxxx]! Those people are so friendly and outgoing, with such interesting stories to tell, not at all like all the science geeks. I hope the ankle healing is going ok and you got some good lesson on crutch mastery from [friend on crutches]. Azure
, and he responded pretty quickly and eagerly with:
Hi Azure,
It's nice to hear from you again. Though I want to honor your wishes at times, it's not easy to consent to saying okay to not being friends. Anyway, welcome back to the friendship!
I'm healing slowly but surely ... so much so that I'm having to force myself to use the crutches more. I got a temporary disabled parking pass from the DMV yesterday, so at least I don't have to take the bus for a while.
Though you didn't necessarily hang with a lot of sports fiends back in Boston, you must know how big the recent triumph by teh Red Sox over the hated Yankees was. The town must have gone nuts. Hell, I was even rooting for the Sox in the final game.
Glad to hear the [xxxxx conference] thing was fun. What was that about?
I actually go to [wildnerness place] next week for an overnighter to do a [work event]. they even got six inches of snow yesterday, which I imagine looks beautiful.
--H
********************** Then when I got home from my GF's wedding yesterday (Sunday) with my friend from back home, I found the D papers in the mailbox. I cried a lot with my friend. I felt pretty crappy. I won't even go into it, I know you all can imagine very clearly. *******************
And Today:
But this morning I thought I had it in me to DB for a bit longer. I thought, "How should I respond to his eager & friendly email when now I've just recieved our D papers, and we are D as of October 20?" I didn't know whether he had received them or not.
So I thought, maybe just respond as light as I can be, and sent this, this morning:
Hey there, ex-spouse,
Weird, there should be a more positive ritual for that than a rain-soaked piece of mail and a bill to [the mediator]. Oh well. Maybe we can make something nice of it sometime.
Yes, even I am VERY psyched about the Red Sox and have been watching the games.
[Dear GF's] wedding this weekend, nice and good stories too. More later. Azure
And he wrote back
Hi Azure,
So the divorce notice came, huh? I didn't get mine yet. When the time seems right perhaps we could memorialize evrything with a drink or dinner. When you're ready of course ...
It must have been strange for going to both [friend's] and [friend]'s weddings recently. I haven't been to any weddings since ours but wonder how I would feel.
I want to again apologize for all that I've put you through, Azure. On the one hand I feel relieved for a sense of closure, but on the other I'm sad over what happened with us. In the end I hope you valued our time together. I'm profoundly sorry for turning your life on end and will always have a tremendous amount of love and respect for you.
